Fresh new start.
Or the new old attempt to begin. I’ve been trying to put things togheter for a long time now. I’m trying to accomplish some goals because usually goals helps us thru the path to get in the right way, if you think in the biggest picture. But now all I see is that this tiny goals are not so helpfull anymore. I must do something bigger. I must challenge myself into a bigger step. The hard part is that I have no clue where to begin.
I’ve just finished my masters’ degree. This is already something huge. But for me, thinking about the way that got me here, it’s just one more thing that I told my self that I would do and I really did. It was ruff, it was heavy, it was lonely, but I did it. Somehow, all my suffering seems now light and all I can see is this big black hole in front of me: my future.
Now I have time to do whatever I want. I’m grown. I’m a smart grown woman, I can do anything. I really can. When I talk about a fresh new start, that’s what I mean: whenever, whatever, wherever. The world is my playground of possibilities. But, deep inside, my fears are screaming: can you? can you? will you?
I guess I’m still discovering, or trying to figure it all out. I open my browser and stare at google maps for hours, trying to think about the places I want to see, the life I would have there… I search thru blogs and sites trying to gather some clues, some tips, some answers. There’s one main thing I’m learning — by baby steps, I must say: anything that you’ll do, you’ll do it by yourself, all alone. It’s your responsability to take care of you and to lead the path you want to follow. Don’t let anyone mislead your confidence, don’t give up your dreams, even if they seem to big or too far from your condition in the present. You’re not as small as you think you are. (Suddenly, I’m writing in third person but this is like a letter to myself).
There’s a way to the new start. I must start walking. Today is the day one.
Let’s go then.