No Means No

Folks on the internet are talking about a law in North Carolina that apparently gives an asshole who doesn’t understand the meaning of the word, no, the legal right to continue the sex act if the woman takes back consent. In other words, she has no right to say no after the act has begun. Everything could have been going swell and all but then he gets rough and hurts her, maybe even slaps her face a bit in the process to get her under control, and she has no right in North Carolina to stop the act or to report rape if he forces her to continue.

What the fucking hell?!?

Guys who can’t take no for an answer are such gems, aren’t they? My husband and I have owned two businesses during our marriage and I remember talking to one guy on the phone in our last business who couldn’t take no for an answer. Every time I answered him, he would ask again, all told, six times I had to tell him, no. It was one of those rapid-fire conversations that was odd and stupid and I told him no because what he wanted would have created a risk that we refused to take on.

In the same business, we were being taken advantage of by a guy and I put a stop to it. He then came into our business, went to my husband, and lied through his teeth about what I said to him. Unfortunately for the liar, my husband was standing next to me while I was telling the guy no on the phone, and his lies went nowhere and he alienated himself from my husband doing any further work for him.

I told one little moron to stay out in front of the counter while I went into the parts room to get a part he needed and the next thing I knew, he was in the parts room blocking my way out. Christ. I have a black belt in Kenpo as does my husband who is a higher rank. I could have drop-kicked the little fucker into next week while my husband skidded his nose across the parking lot. I mean, the environmental weapons alone in that parts room could have sliced and diced him into oblivion if my hands, elbows, knees, and feet didn’t do it first. Idiot.

But back to no during the sex act. Why on earth would a state want to codify something this abusive into law? For those of us who have experienced sexual assault, no matter how minor it may seem, it changes a woman forever. A guy in high school bolted over a bus bench in an effort to grab my breast during my sophomore year. He may have viewed it as nothing, but to me, it was sexual assault. Which it was. It might not have been rape, but so what?

Not all men take. But enough do and it seems to be the norm with them. It influences everything they do. I had guys at my last business who thought nothing of sexually harassing me while my husband was in the next room. One fuckwad decided to bring a friend with him the last time he did it and his friend stood there and watched, grinning from ear to ear, while he harassed me.

As the owner of the business, I was in a no-win situation. Do I call these fools out on their harassment and risk losing a ton of business when they tell everyone what I said? Or do I shut the fuck up and take it?

I was happy when we closed our business a few years ago, retiring early.

Women are sick of being placed in no-win situations where men rule the day. And the state of North Carolina should be ashamed.

Originally published at on June 23, 2017.