I will be forever scarred by the raised baritone voice

My father isn’t a big man. He is 6’, but maybe 160# at his heaviest. But I’m pretty small and was a late bloomer as a child so he always seemed huge to me.

My father is an alcoholic. I didn’t know that when I was a child. I realized it as a teen. He is the sort of man people like. Very friendly and full of colorful stories.

When things were good, life was awesome. He’d joke and we’d have fun. He could be so gentle and kind. I do have some fond memories of him growing up.

But when things were bad, when he was angry, when the drink had pushed him into a very dark corner, it felt like the end of the world. I knew that if my father raised his voice, there was about to be trouble. Usually someone suffered at his hands. Sometimes that was me.

It has been 26 years since I last saw my father. I am an adult and he no longer has control of me. But I still flinch when I hear someone who sounds like him raising their voice.