Immortal until proved otherwise

My husband lay prone on the settee opposite me, eyes glued to his favourite programme on the tv, Highlander. As the hero hurtled across the screen cutting off the heads of the other players in the game, ensuring his immortality, I had a revelation that changed my life forever…

I realised that I WAS IMMORTAL UNTIL PROVED OTHERWISE!!This simple television series, viewed religiously every week by my husband, had given me a deeply philosophical moment never experienced before in my whole life.

I decided to go to the kitchen and make us both a cup of tea for us to celebrate my newfound belief. The implications of the realisation were just starting to hit me, this was amazing!I realised that for the whole of my life I had been following the beliefs of other people, and I had accepted that what they told me was not only true, but unchangeable. I had believed them that we all get older over the years, and that we are all destined to die naturally or from some acquired disease, in our sixties, seventies or eighties, unless we were unlucky, and died much earlier.

Lies, all lies, or were they? Did these rules apply only if you believed in them. If you believed you were immortal, could you live longer, or even live forever?Did anyone else realise that they may be immortal, or did they all believe that the rules apply to everyone without exception?

The tea made, and a special treat added of a digestive biscuit each, I returned to the settee to ponder the questions the idea of immortality raised. I felt strangely elated and excited, this was better than a religious experience! Imagine the freedom!!

I have always been told that I look much younger than my true age. I am now forty nine years old, but still know that I am eighteen with worldly knowledge and endless attitude. My friends insist on telling me that I am now middle-aged, but their words will no longer affect the way I feel. If I am Immortal, there is no timescale to my age, so I can never be classed as middle-aged. The eighteen year old with infinite knowledge is probably much nearer to the truth than forty nine. I can stay like this forever.

There will be no more worrying about the physical limitations that advancing age can bring to me. I will never have to fear death, and will never have to prepare myself for the years of old age, or the time when I will die. I WILL NEVER HAVE TO WATCH THE ADVERTISEMENTS FOR INSURANCE POLICIES TO COVER MY FUNERAL ON SKY TV AGAIN!!!!My God, this is true freedom. The Relief is unbelievable!!

Advertisement break over, Highlander begins again on the tv. Refreshed from the tea and biccy, I snuggle down amongst the cushions on the settee for further pleasurable pondering. This is better than reading Bridget Jones’ Diary! I will never be the same again.

I must start spreading the word. I can start with my friends and work my way up to a free website on the Internet. I could even start a world-wide cult group who believe they are immortal, and at last they will buy me the red sports car with white leather upholstery I have always wanted. Come to that, I could buy my own sports car, instead of investing my hard earned money in a policy to pay for a funeral for myself. Ignore the promised clock radio that comes free if you take out the policy, if I am immortal the time that is passing is irrelevant anyway.

I must consult my lawyer to change my will…but hang on a minute, why bother changing it? Why not just sling it in the bin along with the funeral insurance policy. Because I am immortal, I no longer need to have a will or the insurance policy. I must check if my government pension will be paid for the whole of my life though, what if they only do a standard twenty or thirty years, then leave me to struggle through infinity with nothing to live on?Perhaps I shouldn’t inform the benefits and pensions people about my immortality, then maybe they will continue to pay my pensions week by week, thinking that the following week may be the one when I pop my clogs? I might just be able to squeeze a few more years out of them that way.

But what about my children, who will break the terrible news to them that I am now classed as immortal, and that there is no way they will inherit from me, because I will need my money to last me as long as possible. They may die of heart attacks from the terrible shock….

Or am I thinking about this from the wrong perspective, perhaps they are immortal too, it’s just that no one has pointed it out to them yet. If they turned their televisions to Highlander, and watched every week, would they have the same revelation as me? Could this “Seeing of the light of knowledge” be affecting millions of viewers all over the country? Could the film of Highlander give the same revelation, or would it give much more of an insight because it was nearly three hours long and not a thirty minute serial programme once a week? I put my glasses on and stared intently at my husband, who was still watching the programme. He did not look particularly happy or blissful at that moment, neither did he seem shaken by any kind of life shattering revelation. When he rose from the settee I thought he was going to whisper something deep in meaning and philosophical to prove that he understood that he too was an immortal, but he simply walked past me and went to the bathroom while the ad break was on…..

I shake off the awful possibility of outliving my own children and turn my mind to the plus points again. I will never have to worry about “Acting my Age” again, as really, my age will be irrelevant. If I am going to live forever, what other people think of my clothes, hair and make up seems a pointless worry, who cares what any of them think if I am here on this earth without limits of time!!

From now on I am going to live each day as it comes, and enjoy it for what it is and what I have. Each day will stretch into the future, with week following week and month following month and year following year, forever, into infinity and beyond…

“Is it time for more tea and toast yet?” yells my husband from the bathroom

“It certainly is love, the champagne and explanations can come later” I reply

“Okay, I’m ready if you are?”

I still do not now if he is referring to the immortality or the tea and toast, but time will tell won’t it?