Time, Patience, and Happiness: Tips on Surviving a Job Loss
After almost 11 years teaching at a university as a non-tenured professor, I was laid off. A new dean came with curriculum changes.
Shocked. Yes.
This shock led me into a depression. A contemplative state of mind on “What do I want to do with the rest of my life?” and “Am I a failure?”
Have I figured out my next step?
No.
Kinda.
Sort of.
Then — I realized — I don’t have to have it all figured out. It’s okay to stop and reflect before taking the next step.
No classroom will prepare you for changes in your life like a job loss. Here are some lessons I learned and I hope inspire you to realize that a job loss does not define you.
Grieve
Grieve. Cry. Let all the emotions out. It’s okay if you do. Having to find a new job is SCARY! Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t grieve for what was lost. To move on is to stand still and take in all the emotions you are feeling from the loss. I dedicated 10 years to a job to only be considered number 5 of 7 being laid off. I was told, “Don’t worry, you’re not the only one.”
Being laid off is hurtful, especially when someone does it coldly and without knowing who you are and what you’ve accomplished in the 10 years you’ve been associated with your workplace.
You may go through the 5 stages of grieving: Denial, Anger, Barganing, Depression, and Acceptance.
It’s okay. Feel. Don’t let anyone tell you to move on until you are ready. You will have good days and bad days. I promise you’ll wake up one day realizing what a favor that person did for you. Would I want to go back to my workplace? No. Not after gaining distance from the situation.
Friends
You learn who your friends are during the hard times. Good friends will check on you and make sure YOU are okay. They will listen and will help you.
You may even be surprised WHO reaches out to you. I was. And you may be surprised who does NOT reach out to you.
I reconnected with friends I lost touch with because we were too busy to get together. Life gets busy. But, reconnecting with my friend MaryAnn provided me with new insight into the consulting business. I revised my LinkedIn page to reflect that I am open for business if anyone so chooses to hire me as their social media/communications consultant. I also remembered how much fun MaryAnn and I have when we do get together.
I also learned — colleagues are sometimes colleagues — not friends. (Even though you thought they were)
A good friend once told me, “Not everyone has the same heart as you do.”
Remember that. Not everyone will react to your news and want to be a friend. You need quality friends — not friends of convenience.
You will gain distance from daily work situations to realize some people were never your friends.
At this time — surround yourself with people who energize you — not deflate you.
Time
You have TIME.
Think about that: Time.
Remember when you used to say — I wish I had time to (Fill in the blank).
I have time.
I have time to finish writing my book. I have time to hone my cooking skills. I have time to READ A BOOK for pleasure. I have time to take long walks. I have time to start writing what I want to write about. I have TIME.
One friend, who was also laid off, is redoing her bathroom. She volunteers for the American Red Cross. She also found out she loves to do aerial yoga.
What have I discovered about having so much time? I discovered it’s truly a blessing to stop the rollercoaster ride. Since 2002, I graduated with an M.A. and a Ph.D. My mom passed away all while writing my dissertation and starting the job I was recently laid off from. I created a reputation as a social media and politics expert.
Whew! I am tired.
I am not going to lie — taking a break from the rollercoaster ride of always trying to gain respect is NICE. Let’s all take a deep breath because stressing about my next lecture, or staring at a pile of grading vanished. I have the gift of time — TIME to pursue the academic career that will take me to the next level. Time will tell.
Time to reflect.
Time to nap.
Time to explore my writing.
Time.
Advice and Awkward Comments
As an academic — not many people understand the academic job market. Fall is the academic job season. I was laid off in the Spring with only 6 months to find a job for Fall. I knew I would not be employed by Fall. All you can do is relax.
Academics apply for many academic positions in hopes we rise above the competition. Academic positions are for the following school year. Yes, usually a year out. Academics do not apply, interview, and start the next week. The process takes a while. As an academic you hope you at least get a phone interview.
You do not have to be excited about every job interview, but you owe yourself to explore every opportunity. I tend to become anxious about opportunites I may not want since I have applied to jobs other than academia. As my friend Melissa said, I can always say no thank you.
People have a hard time forming the right response to your situation. Not everyone will agree with your goals and your dreams. Some people may think you are not worthy or qualified to pursue such goals and dreams. What people say to you will sometimes leave you in wonder:
“Oh, you’ll be much happier someplace else, you never really fit in here.” That’s EXACTLY what you want to hear right after you get laid off.
“You should be a social media manager.” I would LOVE to consult, but tweeting for someone else is not why I spent years pursing a Ph.D.
“You can attend mixers to find a job.” No, unemployment office, academics are introverts and usually at home writing.
“You deserve a job where they value you.” Ummm… so I guess you never did value me while I worked with you?
“Don’t broadcast on social media you’re unemployed. People don’t need to see the bad times in your life.” I disagree. Tell people you are unemployed. I pursued possible opportunities because I DID broadcast I was laid off. My next opportuntiy may even be happy that I am available. Don’t underestimate yourself and your worth. A job loss does not define you.
Ignore unsolicited advice and awkward comments. Many people have no idea what they are saying. Friends and family feel uncomfortable because of many reasons — mostly their own insecurities.
The best words of support — “I’m here to listen.” “I’m here for you.” “Let me know if I can help” “Would you like to go to lunch?” “Coffee?” better yet, “Want to go grab pie?”
We want someone to listen — not someone to fix it for us. Just because an unemployed person doesn’t know what their future holds — don’t mistake that for thinking they failed at their last job. We are looking for a bigger and better opportunity. I sometimes do not have the words to express exactly what that job will be. Once grief subsides, grit to succeed settles in — and as a friend — you need to be there to encourage.
Don’t discourage — encourage.
Network
Networking is the greatest tool. I have reached out to folks to say “Hey, any advice for someone looking for a job?”
LinkedIn is your friend. Many academics don’t use LinkedIn (I know I didn’t). I connected with a lot of students, but not other academics. What was I thinking? I thought I was secure at my job. Go ahead — reach out to people in your field. I recommend ALL academics use LinkedIn. Since participating more on LinkedIn, I’ve gained more insight into what happens outside the walls of academia.
I have formed a nice community on LinkedIn. I have connected with university deans, presidents, professors both tenured and non-tenured (a professor is a professor in my opinion). I connected with people who I would love to contact about my research who are in industry. I connected with journalists who interviewed me. I connected with people who have or had my dream jobs, especially those in political communications who once worked at the White House. I managed to collect some hefty contacts.
Do not be afraid to say hi and introduce yourself — either online or offline. The worst case scenario is a possible contact says no. Move on to the next contact.
Most of the people I have reached out to became connections. I contribute to the community by posting on LinkedIn. I want my LinkedIn community to see my name frequently.
Additionally, people reached out to me to ask if I had left my former job. One contact tried to figure out how to hire me.
Social media is a GREAT tool. I am a social media scholar. Of course I’m going to use social media. I tweet on a regular basis. People know my brand on Twitter Dr. Janet Johnson (@janetnews) where I try to make sense of this political climate we live in today. Moreover, I interact with other Twitter users. Be fearless on Twitter, yet civil.
Tweeting connected me to great people. Build a brand-a job loss is NOT going to change your brand. I am still the same academic with the same research agenda when I had a teaching job. I built a reputation, a brand, and a career. No job loss will silence me or take away my dreams.
Moreover, if someone wants to get together and brainstorm with you — do it! I am grateful for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with friends. I have time.
Be Patient
During this time you will have to dig deep within yourself to pull yourself out of feeling like a failure. I found a great article that I didn’t know I needed to read — until I read it: Sandy Peckinpah’s What if Every ‘No’ Meant ‘Not Yet’.
What an aha moment when I read about the concept Kuyashii.
Kuyashii is a Japanese word that stumps translators because it means so much more than the literal word. It’s the emotion you feel when you fail, but that emotion becomes the inspiration to fuel the pursuit of achievement.
It’s the ability to pluck the negative from a devastating experience and transform it into a personal dedication to winning. — Sandy Peckinpah’s What if Every ‘No’ Meant ‘Not Yet’.
The article shares when you come out of feeling like a failure — you will gain the grit to succeed.
I feel as if right now — I have that grit.
I didn’t know how to describe how I felt until I read Sandy Peckinpah’s article.
I have found through this unemployment journey — the universe will lead you to exactly what you need at the right time.
My dear friend Helen, wise beyond her years, gave me a pep talk, “When you stay positive, positive things happen to you. The right opportunity at the right time, with the right people, at the right place will come.” Helen had to adjunct for many years before she found her academic home. She NEVER lost sight of where she wanted to teach. My friend received a full-time job at the right time, right place, and of course the right people who make her better.
Patience is what I had to learn. I had a promising opportunity in the Spring, yet I didn’t get the job. Why? Because that was my ‘Not Yet’. I struggled to find the patience in myself to realize that (and of course Sandy Peckinpah’s article helped).
Once you realize to be patient with yourself and be KIND to yourself, your positivity will start to flow into opportunities — opportunities to meet new people, reconnect with friends, explore options, and create new career goals.
Be Patient. Think positively. Opportunities are on their way.
Find your Happy Place
Your job loss does not define you. Embrace and celebrate this new journey.
To do so, I became my biggest cheerleader. I remind myself to think positively by Googling inspirational quotes. I know it sounds silly, but it works to put yourself in a better mindset. I started saving and sharing quotes. As much as I want to be inspired, I also enjoy inspiring others to be their best.
I read articles about success. I read articles about how to become a more positive person. I follow motivational twitter accounts.
I feed my soul with positivity. Every night before bed, I ask Alexa to play Oprah Magazine, which then Oprah reads me an inspirational story. I often wonder if Alexa is spying on me because some nights the message seems so personal. Again, the universe feeds you what you need at the right time.
I exercise, I try to eat healthy, and I laugh. Bring joy back into your life. Remember you have time to create healthier habits.
A job loss is a transformation, and what could become a beautiful journey discovering YOU. Not an ending — it’s a beginning.
Follow my journey through unemployment in my latest article about unemployment: Three Words to Repeat when Unemployed