“Mammy, can I have ice cream?” I was stood outside a shop in my home town of Shettleston pointing at the Walls Ice Cream display as the scorching sun slowly melted the tar on the pavement and stuck to my brown plastic sandals.

My mammy shot her head round, like a gun had gone off and gave me the stare that said ‘Do not ask for stuff in front of people when you know I have no money’ I was six years old, I knew the rules, but the sun was so hot and the…

First Class Godley

I love the train, it gets busy at half term time, like it did on when I came home from London recently. I got my ticket ready, this time it was easy to find.

The new system is you get to print out your own ticket which is an A4 sheet with a scan code on it, much better than 58 wee orange tickets we normally get, so am happy about this. Anyway, I got into the first class carriage and sat at a four to a table seat and promptly stuck my case underneath, as I…

Remember this from 2012?

Tim and Freya on a train

Tim & Freya the full story & Conclusion!

This entire story happened and was tweeted live by me Janey Godley from a Virgin train from Glasgow to London.

Follow me on Twitter @janeygodley

Couple on train before it’s even moved have fallen out over “her inability to accept the truth” this will be fun. @VirginTrains.

She just told him” I can accept the truth you are incapable of speaking it NOW WHO the FUCK is TIA and why did she email you.

The train hasn’t even MOVED yet.

He said…

Wrote this about 1996

On a plane

You know how you think back to things and with hindsight you wonder why you didn’t react differently? Looking back I should have punched the man in the tweed suit…..here’s what happened.

Back in 1996 I was flying to London to see my pals and do some open spot comedy gigs. I was super excited and chatty and couldn’t wait to get there, it wasn’t often I got such freedom and the thought of being in London filled me with a rush of excitement. I was giddy.

I sat beside a middle aged…

Child poverty and hunger thread

  1. In the mid 70s my mum and dad were separated, I was the youngest. Mum was exhausted with life, crap at managing money and addicted to Valium/ opiate pills – I was 14 at Eastbank Academy school

2. I got free meals and it was embarrassing but I was too hungry to care. I would eat at midday and not eat again until midday the next day as there was often no food at home

3. I became clever at finding people in the family to “visit” to ask them for a sandwich or some…

My Scottish tour – here are some of the tickets links

This is the live voice over tour and am waiting on some theatres giving out links here are the ticket links for

Aberdeen https://www.aberdeenperformingarts.com/whats-on/comedy/janey-godley-beyond-the-fringe/2492

Perth https://www.horsecross.co.uk/whats-on/janey-godley-74602

Stirling culturestirling.org/events/janey-g…

Dunfermline https://www.onfife.com/whats-on/detail/janey-godley

Greenock beaconartscentre.co.uk/events/janey-g…

Bathgate https://www.flowte.me/storefront/?v=560&e=17324

Inverness https://eden-court.co.uk/event/janey-godley#dates-and-times

Paisley https://renfrewshireboxoffice.ticketsolve.com/shows/1173595260

Dumfries https://www.theatreroyaldumfries.co.uk/whats-on/janey-godley

Eastwood park https://www.eastwoodparktheatre.co.uk/article/10214/Beyond-the-Fringe


I recall standing outside the Pleasance Dome flyering my show a few years ago.

I was exhausted and knew I had to fill a big room and faced losing cash so I was anxious and desperate to make sure people came to see me.

I had rented a good flat and paid for amazing posters and had what I believed to be a fabulous show.

Then I spotted a couple of people who had seen me at a showcase show and had taken my flyer after the gig as they liked my stuff…


Johnny and Sheba

The darkness frightened him. Bombs dropping all over the streets behind his house always made him think that the next whistler was going to land on his chimney and tumble all the bricks on top of his head. Johnny was brave but he was still a kid.

Only last week he had saw the dead body of Mr. Wilson next door.

The old man who used to shout at him for no reason lay broken and twisted, his limbs wrapped bizarrely around a stripy ironing board.

It was odd to…

I wrote to me aged 16

Dear Janey, you are probably sitting listening to a Donny Osmond LP on your big record player and dreaming of becoming a Mormon, flying off to Utah and marrying the toothy singer…it won’t happen, stop crying and dreaming of Salt lake City and swoony Osmond kisses, he marries his teenage sweetheart and she has all her teeth, you have nine missing.

Oh, by the way, buy a toothbrush, I know you have hardly any cash but seriously that stuff they say about decay is right, a toothbrush is important. …

Janey Godley

I am an award winning Scottish stand up comedian. writer and actor. I podcast weekly and wrote my autobiography Handstands in the Dark —

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