I am seriously questioning if I still want to become a teacher. Starting two weeks ago, I’ve been working at New Star Education Center. The first week, I worked in the morning from 8:30AM-1:30PM. I came home tired, but still had enough energy to stay awake for most of the day. The second week, I worked from 8:30AM-5:00PM. Did not expect to work this much when I first got hired, but the assistant director said that they had more children coming in than they expected. I came home tired AND cranky. I did not want to talk after I got home and basically stayed cooped up in my room sleeping until dinner time. I had no energy to read about history for summer school.

I don’t know if my lack of wanting to talk about how my day went is because of whether or not I’m afraid to admit that I’m not completely happy after I get out of school. I always imagined that I would come out of school with a smile on my face and ready to tell family and friends all the highlights of that day. But…honestly, it’s a struggle sometimes to even come up with highlights from that day when all the times when I had to discipline kids, handle them talking back at me, and them not listening stick out in my memory much more.

Then there are those times when I wonder if I chose the path of majoring in Education because the courses are comparably easier than other majors I would’ve gone into (such as business). I tell others I chose Education because I used to want to become a teacher when I was little because I enjoyed reading a book out loud to my stuffed animals. And then there’s the reason that I love children. I really do. I am not in any way lying about that part. However, I’m beginning to understand how hard it is on parents to raise their kids and on teachers who have to teach and discipline 20+ children every single day.

With all this being said, being a teacher is not what I expected. I never expected to have to threaten (I know that’s not a nice word to use, but honestly, this is what has to happen) them to send them into another classroom if they didn’t follow directions. I always want to do my best to show them that I care and want to help them, but they have their own agenda. All they want to do is play and every 5 minutes when we have quiet time, a student goes, “I’m bored.” It hurts me when they say that. But that’s the schedule I have to follow or else a) they’ll be loud as heck, and b) the assistant directors at the school will tell me I have to keep them quiet and to keep to the schedule.

Three words: it’s not easy.

I have so much respect for teachers now. I currently teach third and fourth graders. But I talked to the afternoon teacher who teaches my morning class from 1:30PM-6:30PM and told her how my philosophy is that the younger the children are, the easier they are to teach (my own opinion, which is not validated in any way. I just thought that if they’re younger, they’ll listen and obey more). She gave me honest tips though. It doesn’t get any easier from grade level to grade level. “Each grade level has their own difficulties.” There’s no “easy” grade to teach or to handle. She said that older kids talk back more and are more prone to disobey orders, while younger kids can’t control themselves. They’ll do whatever they feel like doing. Even if you tell them something, who knows if it registered in their mind. Therefore, in a way, disciplining younger kids would be more difficult because they might not even remember it the next day.

I don’t know. Honestly, I’m just confused and exhausted. Children are a challenge and every incoming teacher needs to know that.

Okay, enough complaining.

There have been moments throughout each work day where I smile. Whether they are comforting their fellow classmate because they’re crying to encouraging their friends on in a game. I know these are small things, but it shows that they care about each other. Students who aren’t even friends with the girl that’s crying will still go out of their way to go cheer up their classmate (the naughtiest girl in my class has a surprisingly compassionate heart for her peers who are hurting). So…I wouldn’t say there aren’t pros to this career, but it’s not easy when you get a lecture from their parents (or grandparents) about how I should’ve handled a situation differently or that I’m not doing things right.

Sorry, here comes more complaining (or…rather, things I’ve noticed). Being a teacher is a full time job. I’ve realized that you start your morning earlier than the 9-5 job. You get to school anywhere from 7:00AM-7:30AM because class starts at 7:45AM and then you get to officially leave at 2:45PM because that’s when class ends. However, there are probably going to be things like meetings with parents or staff, after-school tutoring, and clean-up. Then you get home and have homework/quizzes/tests to grade, lesson planning, and constant thoughts on how to improve or how terrible/great that day went. It’s a repeating cycle after this.

Who knows what will become of me if I am a mom at the same time I’m a teacher (probably have to take my mom’s advice on quitting my job when I become a mom myself…).

I read this article called “Top 10 Things No One Tells You About Becoming a Teacher,” and this sentence struck me hard. “Every day, a room full of students will be waiting for you to give them an engaging lesson. No matter what’s going on in your life, your role as a teacher is still going to happen.” I can’t sit there blankly staring into a computer screen when something happens that makes me want time to stop. No, I’ll have to put off whatever that’s going on in my life to give these kids the education they need.
I also read this in the article, “You have mannerisms and ticks that you exhibit all the time, but have never been aware of.” Multiple times throughout these two weeks, my students (and even other students from another class that I’ve only subbed in for one day) have said to me, “Why do you talk like that?” or “Why do you always say that?” This is when I say in a lot of filler (←I hope I’m using this word correctly) words like “Oh my goodness,” and “Wow,” and “Yay! Good job!” I didn’t realize that I say these phrases/words all the time when I interact with children. They sure have a way of making you feel self-conscious. Haha.

Anyways, this was a long first post. Thanks for reading if you managed to not skip any parts (: or even if you did. This was definitely a much needed post for me to write since I’ve been bottling up all these feelings and thoughts inside of me for awhile.

Until next time,
The teacher-in-the-making.