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Dude, Stop Writing That Code!
Guys, we’ve got to talk. This is getting out of hand. There’s not a single week going by that I don’t see stupid code. It’s gotten so far that I don’t even want to see the source code of the Panels App. Seriously, how did we get here? I do get that some of you are frustrated, some just hate their job and others simply don’t care. We’ve got to stop this right now. I don’t care who of you this was or why you do this. It has to come to and end. RIGHT NOW!
We have reached a stage in programming where conversations in pørn movies provide more context than your code comments and commit messages. Your Java class diagram is more abstract than all of Picasso’s paintings combined. You’ve got so many useless abstract factories in it, it’s making communist economies look productive.
WARNING: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE. BY READING THIS ARTICLE YOU AGREE TO NOT TAKING TOO MUCH OF THIS IT SERIOUS. THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PASS THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS STRESS TEST.
1. Stop using anything other than English
Looking at you, fellow Europoors! Who on earth thinks it’s a good idea to write code in German?! It’s not even fully German, because every programming language is English by nature. ENGLISH. Oh, you’re not fluent in English?! Why do you then ask everyone else to be fluent in your language that is only spoken…
