Focused and Fearless
Focused and fearless, she might have been 5 years old, she held a boogie board very nearly as long as she was tall. Carefully she jumped over the incoming breaking waves, waiting for the right one to ride to shore. No adult hovering over her, she seemed alone, yet not lonely. In her element, grinning with each short ride. The tag showing from the bottom of her two piece swimsuit, her blonde hair in two short pigtails, she would move from time to time to keep from drifting too far down shore. Her sense of place was strong, her energy focused on repeating her task. The water was slightly cooler than the 74 degree air, the sun bright with a few high clouds above, the afternoon merging with early evening. She was on her own and independent, such confidence in a such young girl left me feeling impressed even a bit awed.

She made me think, trying to remember a time when I was like that. No doubt she was feeling free, the breeze in her face, the sound of crashing waves muting all of the other beachgoers.
My bicycle offered me early freedom as well as challenges. As I rode, sounds around me shifted as the wind brushed my hair and past my ears. She kept moving to keep her place, I would venture farther, block by block, always returning to my own front yard on Pacific Drive. No ocean in my early days. Wheels not waves carried me, past houses and across intersecting streets which seemed to stretch for miles. The school playground close by offered swings and monkey bars and a safe destination. Home was only a few minutes away.
Fearless, an absence of fear, with no experience to create a specific fear. The young often seem fearless, yet who knows what they are thinking? Does she realize how easily a person can drown? Did I even consider that falling from my bicycle could leave me brain damaged or even dead? No. Courage only happens after we experience pain or loss or near-escape and we continue anyway, focused on a goal, understanding anew that practice can help us to achieve calmness in the face of fear. Focused on repeating the same task over and over, I developed a sense of competence which grew into confidence; these creating a joy, an outgrowth from connecting to my own strength and skill and knowledge.
All of life is growth and loss, and love and courage. Growth seems automatic when we are young. As we age, we recognize growth happens with our efforts. Loss may vary in size or significance, but one can expect it to come from time to time throughout our entire lives. Life requires courage from each of us. Focused and fearless, I continue, remembering the small girl on landlocked Pacific Drive as I admire this young woman to-be at the edge of the Pacific Ocean.
Now I am living near the Pacific Ocean and working to create an entire new kind of life for myself, hoping to set an example for my own children and grandchildren. I envision what might be if I work hard and stick to my goals of writing and creating and still learning how, each and every day. I plan to soar beyond boundaries and redefine success for older women starting over. I keep hearing it’s never too late. I embrace this as truth. I am grateful. How wonderful it is to be sixty and still able to face life focused and fearless.
Janne Aubrey
July 19, 2017
