What´s the point of the Darkness?

Jannik Drescher
Sep 2, 2018 · 9 min read

I stumbled across the retired Navy Seal general and American author Jocko Willink in early 2017 after I had just returned from a trip. In the video, he talked about what to do when you are consumed by darkness and sadness and how to overcome it. His basic message which I got from the video can be broken down to the following: “It´s okay to feel that darkness.”
And that is something I had to learn before I could implement it. Because in today´s world, we are told to feel the opposite. We are told to resent it. Let me explain, what I mean by that.

The Trial

In today´s environment, we are indoctrinated to be perfect. The term mental has become more of a lazar´s characterization than anything else. Depression, pain and anxiety are still something to be considered as abnormal and while they have become a sort of a widespread placebo excuse diagnosis for any sort of general misbehavior in the face of an individual´s suffering, this progression has resulted in two misconceptions about our lives:
First, it has led us to disregard the importance of mental health issues as something many people use as an excuse to escape or avoid the daily struggles and responsibilities of life. Many people, my ignorant self included, have been fooled to disregard these issues as something which can be overcome by just getting your shit together and dealing with it. But after hearing people who have been affected by depression speak about their experiences, one of them being Mikhaila Peterson, the daughter of the famous Psychology Professor, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, I realized that I had to change my thinking about mental health.
Even though there are people making their issues all about finding an excuse which is grounded in basing it on some self-diagnosed mental health disorder to be able to gain compassion and understanding and not having to face their responsibilities, there is also a considerable amount of silent voices, which we cannot and must not ignore. Instead, I´m opting for a shift in perspective, which brings me to the second misconception.

I recently talked to a friend I had known for a long time and who had been battling depression for the past eight years but has just recently opened up about it. I asked her why that was the case. And she replied to me that she was afraid that everyone would just shun her off and not take it serious. She was afraid of hearing the same words her family had told her countless times:”Get a grip. You should not be suffering. Just be happy.”

Words which I would describe as a helpful, yet poorly phrased, advice, had become one of her greatest fears. She had been told that she is not supposed to feel this way. That what she is feeling is wrong and she should resent it or shrug it off. I could not believe it. But she was right. She was correct about what she said, suffering is a taboo in our world. And that is where the true error lies.

Because, as I´m sure all of you know, we are not happy 100% of the time. Hell, when are there actually moments when you considered yourself to be truly and fully happy and fulfilled? Close your eyes and think back on it for a second. When I do that, I can count these moments on my ten fingers. There are not that many. In fact, Jordan B. Peterson is right when he writes in his book 12 Rules for Life — An Antidote to Chaos that Life is suffering:

Consider the person who insists that everything is right in her life. She avoids conflict, and smiles, and does what she is asked to do. She finds a niche and hides in it. She does not question authority or put her own idea forward, and does not complain when mistreated. She strives for invisibility, like a fish in the centre of swarming school. But a secret unrest gnaws at her heart. She is still suffering, because life is suffering. She is lonesome and isolated and unfulfilled. But her obedience and self-obliteration eliminate all the meaning from her life. She has become nothing but a slave, a tool for others to exploit. She does not get what she wants, or needs, because doing so would mean speaking her mind. So, there is nothing of value in her existence to counter-balance life´s troubles. And that makes her sick. -from 12 Rules for Life-An Antidote to Chaos: Rule 8: Tell the truth or at least don´t lie.

The person has been told that she should act as if it was all okay. As if the river flows like it always does and conceals her sufferings behind an in-genuine smile. And this smile wears this person down like an anchor. It becomes the reason for her drowning in lies and self-deception.

We all suffer

Now, instead of rambling down the words my friend found so dreadful, I´ll tell you the truth, from the bottom of my heart. What I have found ever since that time at the beginning of 2017, is that, we all suffer, and we suffer more than we would like to. We all have problems, some more than others, but we all do. No one of us lives a fairy tale´s life of a prince or a princess in a castle. No. Most of us start off as a farmer in a land he or she does not know with a purpose they have yet to find. And that is okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

The question remains: Why? Why do we suffer? I am no clinical psychologist, I am not a professor of any kind. I have yet to learn a lot about life, myself and the people around me and explore the unknown land I set foot on. I can only speak from my humble experience. But while I had to suffer and saw other people suffer incredibly, I tried to find the answer, and though it is a complicated infinite question, I believe that we suffer to find meaning in it. This thought is by no means purely inspired by my own reflections. It´s a very old idea which has been heavily discussed by among others one of the most influential philosophers of modern history Friedrich Nietzsche in his books The Birth of Tragedy and Will to Power. So this idea is not a philosophical revolution anymore. It´s just one we refuse to talk about, because it does not go in accordance with what we tell ourselves and our future generation. Why would you even find meaning in suffering? Isn´t it paradox to assume that at our lowest we are supposed to find what we are looking for?

Fight

This question brings me back to the person who inspired me to write this article and whom I have referred to in the beginning. A few days ago, Jocko Willink published the 140th installment of his podcast where he discusses Rudyard Kipling´s poem If.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream — and not make dreams your master;
If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings — nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And — which is more — you’ll be a Man, my son!

While I could go on and on about the phenomenal structure and focus of this poem which Rudyard Kipling wrote for his son around the year of 1900, I will leave the in-depth analysis to Jocko Willink and his podcast as he does a better job at it than I could ever do. You can find his podcast on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher and YouTube. However, at this point in time, the episode has not yet been uploaded to YouTube so I would recommend another source for the time being.

The reason I am referring to this, is the fact that it is about suffering, virtue and responsibility, values we are all confronted with and should embrace. Moreover, it refers to conditions we can all relate to. But most importantly, at the end of the podcast, Jocko is asked a question which I have been asking myself for some time now, and he manages to respond so it so eloquently and yet precisely that I can only implore you to listen to it yourself. The question was: “What do you do when you are broken?”

I´ll paraphrase the answer in a few words. When you are broken, you recognize it, and then you fight, with everything that you have so you can learn from it and move past it.

Now of course, as easy as this may sound, it is not. A hero is not made within a day. It takes years for a good story to be written. And here is where I want to quickly come to another crucial thing you should tell yourself while dealing with whatever you are suffering from.

You have Time

There is no rush. In fact, trying to rush through the suffering will only make it worse. And if you think that it could not be worse, then try it. No matter how bad it is, someone like you can always figure out a way to make it a lot worse. Accept that it will take time, and it is always going to take longer than you think. It is okay to feel that darkness for as much time as you need to. Rid yourself of the pressure which time puts on you. There is no rush and no loss. You have time. The possibilities and the potential in this time are nearly limitless. However, let me give you a few words to guide you on the road. Maybe you do not need them, in the end we all suffer and heal in a different way, but these words have helped me, and I hope that they can help you too:

  1. Do not judge yourself. We all make mistakes, that is part of the process
  2. Do not, and I repeat, do not, use your illness or suffering as an excuse to make something easier for you. That is the quickest way into hell.
  3. If people don´t understand, it is okay. They are not you. You are the only person in your head.
  4. You have time. You have time. You have time. Be patient.

Now, recognize that it will not go as you think, it won´t go as planned and the times will both be disproportionately light and dark. If you struggle, there is nothing wrong with asking for help or even just an open ear to listen. And this does not have to be someone you know or love the most. So if you struggle, if you feel like the darkness is consuming you, do not give up, do not surrender, fight on. Hold your line, and be as strong as you can possibly be. And there are no expectations here. You will grow through what you go through. No one is the master in this scenario but you. Baby steps. Progress, not perfection. You have time. More than you might think.

There is no shame, guilt or loss in asking for help.

Jannik Drescher

Written by

22 year old student of English and Rhetoric from Europe. Currently studying in Finland. Host of The Story House Podcast.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade