Photo by Azrul Aziz on Unsplash

How Two Love

Dr Jan Resnick

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Making your relationship work and last

“For one human being to love another;
that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks,
the ultimate, the last test and proof,
the work for which all other work
is but preparation.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

Amy arrived for her first psychotherapy consultation looking a little lost. She was of average height and weight. I wondered why she wore so much make-up.

Her first words were: I’m just lonely and I want someone to talk to.

What would you like to talk about? I replied, knowing that the word ‘just’ usually means ‘not just’.

Amy told me that since her ex-husband left their marriage she had been out with others, but never felt satisfied. She had friends but it was difficult to speak of certain subjects.

She hesitated, I held the space. I suppose I am looking for love, Amy finally added.

Amy had someone interested in her named Walter. She said they had been friends for a while and went out together occasionally. Now, he wanted to have sex with her, but she wasn’t interested.

Why not?

Amy explained that Walter didn’t turn her on. He was overweight and while that wasn’t a total obstacle, she felt he didn’t look after himself. She also said that he took her for granted, didn’t…

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Dr Jan Resnick

Senior Psychotherapist, Supervisor, Educator and Author, with an interest in Mental Health issues, Trauma-informed therapy, and relationship counselling.