Greetings Amanda Scott, thanks for your writing. I love the simplicity of it. Straight forward, and to the point.
Please, listen to my criticism and please understand that I offer it with the best of intentions.
As I see it, you point to only one side of the oppressive norms. In effect, you are telling us (men) how to be good allies and not really how to be better feminists. To be better feminists we need to look carefully at our own oppression as well as the oppression of others. I say that in a gender neutral way because that’s the way it should be.
For example, equality in the bedroom should say that neither of you resort to violence to get your way, neither physical nor psychological. Well, that should be the same outside the bedroom too.
Shifting to a different train of thought here. There be dragons down memory lane! Thirty some years ago, I insisted my wife to be should not take my name. I should have recognized what a red flag it was that she want my name. Hindsight is 20/20.
So because you are interested in feminism within romantic relationships, I want to draw your attention to “The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love” a book by bell hooks. I can’t begin to tell you what an important read it is.