Weekend Roundup- Combine, Tebow, Foster, McQuaid and Beyond
I didn’t mean to not post any blogs on Friday, I just didn’t. But luckily, 1. I did more than usual on Wednesday and Thursday last week and 2. no one cares. So anyway, it was a pretty packed weekend and here are some of the highlights.
NFL Combine- We got Jim Tomsula back and looking a little too good which I hate. He needs to look like a sweaty, dysfunctional mess. We had Mitch Trubisky saying he wants to go by Mitchell which just solidified him as a psycho. We had Hue Jackson saying he isn’t interested in any QBs shorter than 6 foot 2 which means the Browns will not take Drew Brees or Russell Wilson. We had Bill Belichick just casually showing up in his old VI rings sweatshirt (needs it updated). We had Myles Garrett doing so good that the Browns have to pick him #1 overall (idiot). And we also had that guy John Ross or whatever breaking the 40 record but not wanting the island that Adidas was offering up to anyone who could because he can’t swim. Yep.
Tebow- Meanwhile Tim Tebow is wearing his tilted Mets hat, talking about adopting a million foreign kids and smashing batting practice pitches better than anyone ever I guess. He’s also gonna be on the roster this week for actual Grapefruit League action because of the World Baseball Classic. Get him in Mets! I can’t wait to see him go 0-for-forever.
McQuaid- The Bruins’ Adam McQuaid realized my biggest fear as he got his throat slashed by a skate the other night. Luckily he was okay but holy shit I would freak out. He’s tough as shit but I’m still gonna hate when hockey hardos compare him to like a basketball player breaking his finger in a few weeks.
Arian Foster- Arian Foster said he could win in a 1 on 1 fight with a wolf. Arian Foster is the most fragile human being of all time, but he’s such a goddamn weirdo athiest that maybe he could? I don’t know. I feel like he’s gonna be one of those retired players who crops up every now and then to remind us he’s nuts.
Draymond- This week in “The Warriors are Whiny”, Draymond Green got angry that the Knicks didn’t play any music in the first half of their game! Oh no! Dray needs some tunes to punch people in the balls to.
Amare- I know this was last week but I just had to say I think Amare might be gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s 2017 guys). But him going out and being so repulsed by the thought of a gay teammate is a clear sign. It’s like when they say the people who are the most homophobic are actually just overcompensating because they aren’t sure of their sexuality. I see you Amare.
Le’Veon- The Steelers star running back keeps admitting that he had an injury being hidden by the team and yet Roger Goodell is just sticking his fingers in his ears and going “lalalallaalalalalalalalalalalalalala I can’t hear youuuuuuu” because he refuses to punish anyone but the Pats.