Extreme growth demonstrates Jared’s strength in the market

Update 2: Jared engages in fast-paced rally and hits 1 outburst/minute

Jared’s record highs show no sign of stopping, will the bubble burst?

Below is the raw UTD data for Jared’s progress— we try to keep it under wraps because it’s messy, but we believe that some extreme statistics should be noted.

In the last update, we asked if Jared would cease to speak or if he would continue to grow stronger, and it seems evident that he has grown beyond typical amounts of strength, hitting 1.01 Outbursts/minute! With that said, we have much analytic data to work with now that these reports have been made, and have come up with the following conclusions:

  • Jared needs to sit in the same seat every day, even on exam holidays.
  • Jared and Professor Olson share the same sense of humor.
  • Jared thinks Hollister-brand clothes are “walking billboards.”
  • Jared doesn’t drink coffee.
  • Jared’s fedora was $85.

What a phenomenal few days for Jared, indeed.

It can be noted that the first figure in this article also looks relatively similar to the following:

Certainly, it is likely that we are in the midst of the mania phase of the Jared Bubble — and our analysts are wondering if our current position is in the Public Delusion in the appeal for Jared or if we have already achieved the New Jared Paradigm. Regardless, we also took a look at Macy’s (NYSE:M), a retail distributor for the Jared complement good, fedoras, over the past month.

1 Month Market Price of Macy’s (NYSE:M)

While Jared is much less sporadic than Macy’s, it is possible that the 2/2 jump can be linked to the 1/26–1/31 jump in Jared Outbursts — such an exciting jump in Jared’s speaking ability might lead consumers to purchase more fedoras from Macy’s in an effort to mimic the success of Jared’s strength and confidence.

Although it may seem like Jared is reaching his speaking carrying capacity, it is likely that the Jared bubble will burst in the near future — but until that day comes, investors should be cautious when buying into the Jared Index. #jaredbubble

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