Does Anyone Else Have Concrete Opinions About Commercial Hand Dryers?

I’ve been wanting to write this blog for years. That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?

BY JARED CLINE

Before we go any further, you should know that I’m the global VP of Marketing for the world’s largest manufacturer of commercial hand dryers. Fortunately, I don’t think this will influence my opinion.

Just kidding. I wish.

Okay. So we can all agree that the way I feel about commercial hand dryers doesn’t qualify as an obsession. It’s merely a strong preference.

If you don’t get the distinction, consider this: you have a strong preference when it comes to hot and cold water taps in public restrooms.

Yes, you do.

Those push taps that keep the water running for three seconds max? Those are the worst.

Those sensor-based taps that are like, no, I don’t see your hands, what hands, I’m not turning on, and you’ve got to switch to the next sink over? Those are the second worst.

You figure out the third worst. I’m here to talk about commercial hand dryers. Here are my faves.

1st Place: Dyson Airblade dB

I’ve seen Dyson Airblade dBs confused for trash cans. That’s probably because this puppy changed the commercial hand dryer game.

Do you remember the first time you saw one?

You probably thought one of two things: look, a trash can from the future, or, that’s where a hand dryer should be, maybe it is one, I’m putting my hands in it, here goes.

So you do that. You dip your hands in. “Blades” of air come shooting out. It’s a good, new feeling. You double dip, triple dip, and so on.

Twelve seconds (or less) later — boom. You’re dry and ready for high-fives and handshakes.

With the Dyson Airblade dB, there’s no awkward, gross puddle of splattered water beneath the hand dryer (I always think maybe it’s pee). There’s no wishing the air would come out faster or warmer. There’s no giving up halfway through and wiping your hands on your jeans.

I love this commercial hand dryer. You should, too.

2nd Place: XLERATOR

What do we have here?

Only the second best commercial hand dryer in the biz.

This company’s total disregard for spelling tells you how much they care about drying hands. Nothing else matters, not even the name of their product.

I was in a Chinese restaurant the first time I used one. I don’t remember the food, but I do remember my tentative encounter with this rip-roaring commercial hand dryer.

The XLERATOR literally blew me away. Jet engine much? The power on this thing is almost ridiculous. It’s like Tony Stark invented a hand dryer.

But it works.

3rd Place: World Dryer SLIMdri

Oh, look.

World Dryer finally realized their ubiquitous commercial hand dryers aren’t the be-all-end-all of hand drying.

Like Japanese toilets, commercial hand dryers can be so much more than porcelain and metal.

XLERATOR and Dyson figured that out. They respect your time. They crush wet hands. They get you out of restrooms faster.

Meanwhile, World Dryer is like, those feisty upstarts are on to something. So they come out with the SLIMdri because, you know, we all wanted a slimmer commercial hand dryer.

I’ve used it. And while it may sound like a ’90s fad diet, the SLIMdri actually does blow water off your hands. It’s a step above the “classic” World Dryers your elementary school has been using for the last 37 years, but it can’t touch real blowhards like the XLERATOR or Airblade dB.

Still beats paper towels, though, am I right?