4 emotion challenges and how to deal with them
I often get to hear that once you really start studying emotions, you find a new, rich angle to everything that happens around you — and inside you. But at the same time, the world of emotions may feel vast and complicated. And I get it, there are so many things to learn. It’s often difficult to know where to start.
So today, we are going to dive in and look at some of the most common challenges and misconceptions people face when they’re learning emotions. I will also give some advice on how you can deal with those challenges.
As I’ve mentioned many times in my previous blogs, the first step in order to deal with emotions requires us to first understand what emotions are and how they affect us. Only then can we start developing our OWN understanding of emotions and the skills for dealing with them.
Let’s dive in!
Emotion challenge number 1: Emotions don’t belong to the workplace
Many still believe that emotions disturb performance and take away valuable focus from the things that matter. This is especially true in the workplace. I have personally heard managers say things like:
“I don’t mix emotions and work, I want to be goal-oriented. If I start focusing on how people feel, they might think that focusing on the result is not that important.”
What to do instead
Instead of trying to block away emotions, make sure to look at emotions in EVERYTHING you do. What kinds of emotions does your strategy evoke? How do people feel about their targets? What kinds of emotions do you experience when you’re sitting in meetings with your colleagues?
Since it’s impossible to turn off your emotions, it’s better to use them to your own benefit. Emotions are always trying to tell you something. Emotions are information.
Emotion challenge number 2: Emotions are difficult to identify
Making sense on one’s emotions is hard. They constantly change and get mixed with other emotions. When an emotion gets elicited, it quickly mixes with the other emotions.
Emotions do rarely come one at a time or even as totally “pure”. However, there is a way to stop this whirlwind of emotions and get some well-deserved clarity.
What to do instead
Examine your emotions carefully and deeply. Even if you can’t name your emotion right now, just the fact that you tune in with your emotions, you pay attention to them, will build your emotional awareness. Which emotion can you most easily dissect at this very moment?
Try to find words that describe your emotional state. And once you learn more about emotions, you can identify individual emotions easier. This is especially helpful in situations where you feel overwhelmed with emotions.
Emotion challenge number 3: We’re not aware of how emotions affect us
We are surprisingly bad at noticing our emotions and when we are not aware of our emotions, we also can’t see how they affect us. They constantly change our levels of energy, our focus, our social behaviour, even our cognitive abilities.
Emotions are like magicians, in a sense. When our attention is somewhere else, they get to do their tricks and deceive us. What we see is only the end result, which often confuses us.
“Why can’t I get anything done today? Why did he break his promise? How did this go so well this time?”
We easily forget and ignore the power of emotions in these situations.
What to do instead
Pay loads of attention to your emotions and you’ll see their effect in yourself and others. How do the emotions you experience now impact the way you see the world right now? Just taking the time to identify AND reflect on how you feel, makes all the difference in the world.
Emotion challenge number 4: We talk about emotions in too general terms
We speak too broadly about emotions. We group emotions together in broader definitions such as “positive” and “negative”.
We also look at these groups as totally black and white, positive emotions being good and negative emotions being bad. Which isn’t the case.
We don’t have a large and rich enough vocabulary to describe our emotions. When we describe our emotions, we often say things like “This sucks” or“It’s all good”. But ask yourself, what can you really do with this information? If we want to understand emotions better, we need to delve deeper into them.
If we only understand emotions on a general level, our conceptions of them will be general as well. It’s like if a wine expert would say: “This is red wine. And this is white wine.” If his vocabulary were so limited, he wouldn’t go far as a wine expert. It’s the same with emotions. You need a rich vocabulary to describe emotions in order to identify and distinguish emotions from one another.
Or let’s take leadership as an example. It’s easy to say that a leader needs to create the right atmosphere and environment for success, but what the hell does that even mean? And how do you create it?
When we know what emotions we want in our workplace and what the characteristics of those emotions are, it’s also easier to know how we can EVOKE those emotions.
What to do instead
Speak with clarity about your emotions, while using language that clearly shows what you mean.
The clearer you are able to explain what you are looking for, the bigger chance you have of making yourself understood to people around you. And that will increase your chances of success, no matter the issue at hand.
Some closing thoughts
Learning about emotions is a never ending journey. However, once you start your journey, you often get significant results quickly. I see this over and over again in my work. Emotional climates change in teams and organizations. The quality of meetings and interactions improve. The workplace becomes much more human and inspiring when emotion skills are introduced to the workplace. Also, learning about emotions is a personal journey of transformation. I hope these tips help you to get started on your journey.
As always, if you struggle with these issues, please just let me know and I’ll help you get started!
/ Jarkko
P.S Also if you like to read my other posts, get a Great free e-book on how to get the success you want and deserve, or get a copy of my mini-course on how to get people’s attention and get them to listen to you please visit www.jarkkorantanen.com
