Can I take you out to dinner? I just bought six months worth of food. Well, actually I bought one silver ounce, but that’s its value.
Hey NASA, hop in my car and let’s take a drive thru Kansas while I tell you about this glorious #FlatEarth of ours.
On a scale of one to #FlatEarth, how much do you want to get #coffee with me now?
I am happy. I was just born with this unfortunate face that looks tense even when I am relaxed.
I have a face that looks like it wants its own #SafeSpace, as if it’s perpetually offended, when the rest of my being is perfectly ended.
I think McDonalds should put glitter on its food. It won’t improve the quality or taste, but its target market loves sparkly & shiny things
I wanna buy a used football helmet for the sole purpose of eating vegetable soup out of it in the hopes of experiencing a quarterback’s mind.
All of you is all I want. I would ask for more, but what more is there in this life?
With my fingers, I want to feel her body’s exotic quivers like it’s a Braille love story that I’m both reading and writing.
I have a buttocks like two hot hamburger buns, and if you want cheese there’s a .99 cent upcharge, but I think you’ll love it.
If I owned a McDonald’s, I couldn’t hire you $1.20 an hour, and I couldn’t hire you for $12 an hour. The first for legal reasons, and the second because I’d be overpaying you tenfold.