I hate when I park in a parking spot, and the car next to me stealthily backs out, because I freak out and pump my brakes like I’m rolling.
Golfing in wheelchairs, that should be a thing. So should #WheelchairMarathons, because I run best when I’m sitting down and relaxing.
Seth Rich was poor in appreciation. He was the hero responsible for leaking Hillary Clinton’s corruption to Wikileaks, and his reward? Death.
A detective is a choir director, because he gets informants to sing. DC is the place to be if you want to make the most music.
If you have a weak heart, one too many coffees will kill you. So will one too many unreturned I love yous.
If you find a cup of kittens with free refills, would you share with me? I’m a bring my own straw kind of snuggler.
Sad but funny: Hillary Clinton may have murdered Seth Rich, but Seth Rich killed her chances of being President by exposing her criminality.
The detectives and police officers involved in the #SethRichCoverUp should be outed and prosecuted and imprisoned for treason.
It occurs to me that 33.3 is Jesus. Not only was He 33 when he died, but since he is literally 1/3rd of The Trinity, He is 33.3.
We met one Sept. Saturday in the high desert of Laramie outside the stadium, while I skipped practice instead of pushing a car up the ramp.
I’m still that guy who would rather drive a car than push it, and the only thing I’m pushing through on a Saturday morning is more sleep.
It’s not that I’m a complete slacker. More like 99.99% of a slacker. But it’s that .001% that I give 100% for, and that makes up for it all.
How to save your business from the #RetailApocalypse: Hire beautiful women. I’m eating at Larry’s again, and it’s not for the food.
I’ve said it before, but it always angers me. If a restaurant has #FakeNews on the telly, I wonder if I’m eating #FakeFood too.
Sometimes above urinals I like to scribble this sage wisdom: “If you’re having a bad day, just shake it off.”
#RetailApocalypse summed up: People aren’t buying anything because they have no money, and their fiat currency has an ever-dwindling value.
Before I learn to play the piano, it would probably be wise if I took my socks off. I’m like that all the time. Wise, I mean.
When Sanders says no politician has ever lied all the time, this itself is a lie. Lying all the time is the definition of politics.
Two types of people: those who respect the slave masters (politicians, judges, and lawyers), and those who love the people imprisoned.
I get reviewing movies, but what kind of lonely soul reviews movie theaters? #JuneChu should take the month of her first name and get a life
In a New York Times article about Jimmy Fallon, they say he was, “Wearing casual clothes,” & clothes is a link. To what? A pic of him? No. Walmart
Since New York Times is a #FakeNewsFactory with falling subscription revenue, they gotta make money the sleazy way. Next they’ll try prostitution.
Words written over a blue gradient that goes from navy at the bottom to aqua on top are always deeper
Let’s impeach Trump! I love impeaches, especially in a fresh cobbler. Of course, Trump should get two scoops of ice cream, while we get one.
Even a moron can spell their own name, and only a moron would misspell another person’s name. Damn. Sometimes I just want a do-over.
Just thinking about you thinking about me thinking about you thinking about me, when I should be thinking about other things, like you and me.
I’ll bet walking around Hiroshima on August 7th, 1945 , the day after we nuked them, feels less lonely than working at #ZeroCustomers Sears.
As a company, is Sears done? If it were a hamburger, it would be as chewy as charcoal, which is healthier than anything from McDonald’s.
Sears has a future — but only if you are living in the past. I miss the wild 90s. I was only born 90 years too late to meet Oscar Wilde.
I blew my nose into a wet paper towel, and it came out looking like a red splatter painting. I should try to auction it off as art.