If a #FlatEarth believer such as myself wants to be mean, he should do a scavenger hunt, with the last item you have to find being the curve

All globe logos are bogus since we live on a #FlatEarth, & no matter your industry, you like a fraud by associating with a #FakeNews symbol.

I was just screaming profanities at the car in front of me, until I got aggressively close and saw a Student Driver sticker on the bumper. Then I relaxed like magic, and it occurred to me that I need one of those, so if I piss off other people, they are inclined to back off.

I just started teaching dancing lessons to fish. My first student is learning as fast as if he’ll be dead in minutes.

Dancing lessons now on sale at #UsedFishPrices! Sign up before grandpa eats them all!

Sign up for my dancing lessons while they are still fresh! They’ll be dead soon.

My love for her flew away like a winged creature, but not a bird. My feelings for her were somewhere between bat and butterfly.

I just checked Wells Fargo, and I have $1.23 in my checking account. Maybe NASA can spot me $20 bucks. After all, they’ve stolen trillions.

A shopping cart is like a rolling jail cell, and while consumerism imprisons, to buy with no money is to give the key to your freedom away.

Pour ice on ISIS by arresting the Zionists, stop falling for false flags, and stop standing for empty flags that don’t represent you.

I can’t believe most Americans don’t know where North Korea is. Come on! It’s just above South Korea.

Use your skills to make money. Try prostitution today! (Better still, start tonight!)

Dancing lessons have been canceled tonight, due to a Wheelchair Malfunction. I’ve called the manufacturer and left vague voicemails.

Sometimes I exhale EXIT signs. I should sell my breath to people trapped in burning buildings.

So jarodkintz.com is live again. It was previously dead. Not Lazarus dead, but close. More like Rosie’s #RomanceFactor dead.

The #RetailApocalypse has arrived, as sales in my vending machines can attest. People just aren’t searching for love for $1 anymore.

The spot price of silver today is $16.55, but can you buy it? No, because you are obtaining it by trading worthless paper for real money.

As the #RetailApocalypse develops, mattress salesmen may find their careers entering eternal slumber. That will cause serious back problems.

Retail sales may be going #TheWayOfLazarus, but unless we have sound money playing the role of Jesus, there won’t be a resurrection.

In a healthy economic recovery, a store closing means they’ll reopen the following morning. Under this sham one from 2009, it means forever.

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