Is the earth round, as the media, those Keepers of Truth, those Models of Trustworthiness, assure us? Have you personally seen the curve?

I think NASA needs its own hashtag, so I created it for them: #NASAIsFakeNews. Next time they fool a moon landing, I wanna be the director.

Just because John Dickerson asks nonsensical questions in a serious and somber manner does not mean he’s not #FakeNews. Some clowns are sober.

The use of hashtags is a Twitter herding technique, but if you use #FakeNews and #VeryFakeNews you can find likeminded cows who are anti-CNN.

Shirley Temple is giggling at Acosta BOLDLY declaring he is “#realnews,” in all lowercase letters, small and diminutive, like my respect for him.

Do you think Acosta will think I was insulting him? I’m concerned because if there is even a question, then I didn’t abuse him hard enough.

I don’t care how long it takes, but you have until Friday to make me a Thursday. Do you think the dancing just stands around mannequining?

I have a meeting with a charity on Tuesday. It’s like a reverse job interview, because I’m trying to give them my time, not take their cash.

Speaking of cash, you should convert all your cash into money. Dollars to gold or silver is the only way to go. Oh, and buy a bit of #Bitcoin.

If you don’t know who the BIS is, you don’t know business. Keep an eye on the currencies, because we currently have the best gift in silver.

The only people who think Obama wasn’t a clown are the small number of viewers who watch #VeryFakeNews CNN in a #HelenKelleresque manner.

I love birthdays, because it’s the one day of the year where I’m 365 days wiser than I was yesterday.

Science post experimentation is consensus and rallying, because if they can get just enough people together to shout, maybe it’ll be true.

I am the proud owner of a pet rock, but I don’t know what to feed it, and so I don’t feed it. Can you kill what isn’t alive?

You make me want to be a better lover, which is why I am knitting my own Sex Apparel. Bring a friend, and then leave us alone.

Why get involved in the global arms trade when I can make vests? You don’t need arms to enjoy them. #ThereIsNoProfitInDiscrimination.

What could be more romantic than a candlelight dinner in The City of Love? How about if the whole of Paris were lit on fire from riots?