Who Am I?
I’m soft. I’m gentle. I’m kind. I’m full of love. I’m afraid. I switch between overwhelming worry & unshakable confidence. I was a liar. I was a thief. I wanted things my way. I still do. But I’ve seen the light and now work towards a better version of myself constantly. I aggressively seek new information. I forget a lot. I run away from myself a lot. But I always return. I always come back quietly. I always figure myself out again. I despair but I don’t lose hope. I cry but I don’t give up. I try again and again and again. I switch focus to whatever I think will work. I burn to learn. I revisit past lessons to really learn. I’m outgoing, when I want. I’m so internal. I trust easily and pay the price. I love people and helping them. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my parents. I love this world. I’ve grown up so fast. I miss my childhood. I feel like a child again. Growing up again and again. Always becoming better. Never settling. Always trying again. Often in mental or emotional pain but fighting like my life depends on it because it does. I just want to be true to myself. To trust myself. To learn my lessons and to become strong & true & wise. To be a help to others & to my self. To show a better way through self. To be unselfish but kind to self. To balance the paradoxes of human life. To be beautiful. To be me. I struggle to discover who I am everyday. Sometimes I’m so sure. Other times I’m so lost. Today I’m in the middle. Writing this. Learning me. Teaching myself who Jarryon is. Being the best I can for myself today. Believing. Knowing. Growing. Trialing. Learning. Hoping. Moving forward. Breathing easier. Releasing tension. Getting worried. Breathing deeper. Wheeling & coming again & again. I didn’t know the fight for self would rock me to my core like this. I didn’t know what I was running towards. A rock. A wall. A ceiling. But none impassable. I’m not stopped. I’m slowed to appreciate my surroundings. To view myself more truthfully. To hear my mind. To feel my body. To listen to my heart. For every lie I’ve ever told, I will pay the price. For every wrong, I will make it right. I didn’t know is no excuse. There is no going back from knowing and no going deeper without it. The key to the unopened door is simply knowledge. I know, so I know pain. I know, so I know healing. I know, so I know balance & relief & peace. I know struggle. I know failure. I know success in pieces. I know the long game. I know I have so much to learn. I know I’m enough, always. I’m increasing. I wane but I do not decrease. I forget but I do remember. My experiences have made me into who I am today. Uncountable experiences. Unfathomable experiences. Unexplainable experiences. My path. My unique way. I will trust in myself. I will trust in my path. I will read this letter to myself again & again until I hear the trumpets. Until I feel the click. Until I pass the barrier. This letter flowed to me from a great source. My mind was blank writing it. I just listened and moved my fingers. How interesting.
Jarryon
