You are not alone and it is not your fault.

It’s taken me more than twenty years to address the truth of my mother and I’s relationship. Due to a mix of denial and self imposed responsibility.

My earliest memories were seeing my mother cry all the time. Seeing her anger and pain robbing her of living in the present and experiencing a connection with my sister or I. I remember the initial feeling that I needed to fix her and I remember my personality starting to bend around that responsibility. I remember when her anger would reach limits that I had never before witnessed and for the first time…

Although, we made it through 2019 and that’s a blessing in itself, we’re still not done.

I think we give too much emphasis on a new year. Although, we made it through 2019 and that’s a blessing in itself, we’re still not done. 2020 is just another year and the same question persists “will you make the choices that are best suited for the life you want to live? or not”.

Which brings me to the topic of alignment.

Living in alignment is a flow from emotion to action. Emotions influence similar thoughts which influence almost alike action. …

It’s been some time since my last break up and even though there’s no negative emotions attached too it, I still see the debris of thought processes. Certain experiences in my last relationship have made its way into the front portion of my psyche, standing tall, as the focus group “I can never let this happen again”.

So even though I have no animosity towards my ex partners I do hold the heavy burden of feeling responsible to stay alert to potential repetition in relationships.

So alert, that it may be hindering my current relationships.

So alert, that I may…

How to Heal Abandonment issues.

One of my favorite ways to find clarity and understanding is through experience. I believe that to truly understand yourself, you have to remain present in the experience and jump towards what frightens you.

In these last few months I’ve had two major transitions in my life:

  • Moving out and living on my own for the first time.
  • Addressing my abandonment issues by removing false relationships and toxic attachments.

This has been a long time coming.

Since starting my healing journey I was able to tackle emotional holes that were draining me. Every single one…

Craving to see and understand; a poem for intimacy.

I can’t help but watch you.

Refusing the thought of you is harder than being consumed with the desire for you. It’s as if I am refusing a part of my nature when I don’t allow myself to appreciate your beauty.

The way your mind twists and turns.

The way your smile vanishes when your faced with an emotion you can not accept. The way your smile reappears when you realize how worthy every part of you is.

You were made of love, I swear it to be true.

Your very bones were crafted to uphold the weak.

Your words…

She returns bare, the conqueror of fear; the successor of wars; the victor of love.

She has risen from the burning forest, after the days have turned black, the sun ripped from the womb of the sky.

As the sky fell she stepped off into the night.

She walked into the darkest part of the forest to speak as we slumbered afar.

She disappeared for what seemed like years, as time is ill kept when there is no sun passing to mark the end and beginnings.

Time left as she has left, into her own solitary confinement she places herself in the eye of inextricable madness and rage.

Now she has risen, walking back, her…

But you know you need too…

I still remember laying in his bed, looking up at the ceiling, tears welling in my eyes, and knowing it was time to leave.

I met this guy and decided to jump in head first.

I attested that the part of me that was screaming “NO!” was my past pain and fears that I would be hurt again.

Our connection was simple; he was entirely focused on a car and a business venture. As I was focused on moving into my new apartment, giving myself the feeling of home, and stabilizing my life. …

Relearning how to emotionally connect with myself and other’s; it’s a pain in the a$$.

The Background

I was raised believing that I needed to be the best in order to be loved. By being the best I mean; being level headed, keeping a tight lipped reputation, and favoring logic over emotions.

When I achieved high scores, emotionally controlled myself, or played family therapist, I received praise and love.

I was the shoulder to cry on for my family and in some ways took on parenting my own parents. …

A fellow writer of Authentics has posted a vulnerable and raw article:

Which has lead me to starting a series for Authentic writers and readers. If you haven’t submitted an article yet and still looking for something to rev up your creative engine this might be it.

The topic is :

Thing’s We’ve Agreed Not to Talk About

You can apply this to relationship stories, self inflicted thoughts, and old beliefs about yourself that you carry everyday with you. What are the topics of your life that have been kept secret but influences your entire life?

The idea is…

November! I’ve actually been anticipating this month for two reasons:

1. November is all about diving deep and releasing what no longer serves our highest desire. Getting familiar with what it feels like when something has reached it’s end, what it feels like when its time to let go, and how do you handle those goodbyes, those metaphorical deaths of self.

2. This month is also about acclimating yourself to new expressions of self love, creativity, and pleasure. This isn’t a month to hold yourself back or keep things tucked away in a box.

Jasmin Oliver

I write articles for self-development.

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