My (fake) Interview of the Interview of the ISIS Fighters:
Told through satirical absurdity, using their own words.
Context, context, context. It’s important. Like, really important. Placing something into its proper context is what differentiates propaganda from journalism.
Since no context, rebuttal, or follow-ups were offered in the original story, here is how I imagine this interview taking place, using their real answers to my absurd questions:
Q: Hey, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me! I know your little group is super busy with beheadings and burning people alive.
A: ISIS [is] a state, not a group.
Q: Oh?
A: It runs the affairs of people, like any other state — American, British, French — ISIS is running as a state.
Q: My bad. A state… but you do realize you don’t get to just declare yourself a state, right? There are certain procedures and formalities to follow. Membership to the “statehood club” is vested in its ability to get other states to recognize it as legitimate and credible. You’re not a member simply by saying you are. This isn’t Alcoholics Anonymous. Wait, does ISIS have alcoholics?
A: ISIS have been very good at helping them quit.
Q: That’s awesome. You guys seem so friendly!
A: We are friendly! Unless you are an enemy.
Q: I know, ri… wait, what? An enemy? Who do you consider an enemy?
A: George Bush, Tony Blair, and the presidents of the West and their foreign policy towards Islam .
Q: Makes perfect sense. And Peter Kassig, the muslim-convert who ran an NGO that provided medical assistance to men, women, and children in Syria? Did you behead him on camera because he was a western president?
A: (silence)
Q: Or Kenji Goto? Did you execute him because of his non-existent foreign policy decisions?
A: …they are humans.
Q: And they said ISIS was anti-science.
So I’m clear — simply being a “human” is all it takes to fall under the umbrella of reasons for which it’s acceptable to be murdered by ISIS?
A: This is what attracted me about ISIS.
Q: Interesting. There are many around the globe who would argue that you are perverting Islam, historically devolving back to a time of barbarism that has little to do with religion and more to do with fundamental fanaticism.
A: The beheading, execution in public are messages to ISIS enemies. [It’s] part of Sharia law and shows that [we] implement it fully.
Q: How do the people of Syria and Iraq feel about this?
A: It took time for ISIS until they implemented the law, but after having lectures about it and so on, there is no objection.
Q: That sounds like a horrific combination of persuasion and brainwashing. What do you do when you’re not scaring people into belief system?
A: Something is always going on — always bombings. By the time it gets to midday, you are in the midst of the fighting. Or totally peaceful day, shower, play some football, play with the lads, football.
Q: Sounds tranquil.
A: My family is back in the UK. They don’t know that I came here — I don’t know if they know now. They never knew, I just picked my stuff up and left. . I had a dream about Syria that I was there and fighting, I took decision that day when I had the dream.
Your picking up and leaving everything to join a group in the desert who is attempting to institute religious law over the entire planet based solely upon a dream you had may very well be the most sane thing you’ve said yet.
Thank you for your time.
