Mental Health & Design

Jasmine Hall
Aug 24, 2017 · 5 min read

It’s one of those stories that you think will never happen to you. You hear about them in articles just like this, you see them on T.V. It’s an urban legend because you think you’re in a good place. The dreaded creative “funk” rears its ugly head.

Now, the thing is: a lot of people who are not in the creative side of business (no, marketing, you still don’t count) don’t understand funks are not something we can just “get over”. It’s not something that clocks out with you at 5 PM and goes home to its little funk family.

I took my funk with me for the entirety of 2017 and that funk? Turned into depression. All it takes is one raindrop to start a storm, after all.

The thing is, depression that stems from funks mask themselves. They’re little funks that appear when you least expect them. “I wasn’t depressed,” I would think. “Life is just super busy and maybe I’m too sensitive,” I would lament to myself.

“No, you’re not too sensitive and your feelings are valid,” I finally learned to tell myself.

I was at my last job for 4 years in a role where I wore many hats. This, while ambitious, wears down on a person. I became not only more anxious but less passionate about the projects I was put on. It was of no discredit to the clients or company, but as my tiny little funk built, so did my anxiety. I couldn’t perform well enough because I wasn’t taking care of myself mentally.

Battling anxiety and depression was one thing I wear as a badge of courage. Not only is it so damn draining, but it’s limiting.

Depression for a creative is shackles that bolt them straight to the floor. It immobilizes us.

It’s easy for us to see the finished product in design. We see how things should end, how they should wrap up but the x variables trip us up. We get whiplash over being told a font we thought was perfect was not what the client had in mind. These practices in design applied to my mental health as well. When I had a good day and suddenly one little funk happened — it was an uphill battle to overcome it.

And sometimes, you never get over that hill.

To make a long and very personal story short… Keeping up and keeping focused was harder, and I cried a lot over feeling unworthy. I hit a breaking point I never thought I would have. Design wasn’t fun for me. And that scared the absolute shit out of me.

I want you to understand that for designers, there’s always a passion that fuels them. There’s always a little bit of a resistance for people going to school for design because now they’re mixing art with management. There’s a pained reality that designers who plan to move into business environments will have their favorite pieces ripped to shreds, ideas stepped on, and work critiqued harshly by clients who didn’t go to school for design. It’s not a healthy process, especially for those who use art as some kind of therapy and skill set that boosts confidence. Hell, even for a livelihood.

After nearly 5 months, I decided enough was enough. My focus became less about settling and playing safe and more about trying new things. Charging more fairly for my freelance, looking at new job opportunities and learning when to shut off my “work brain”. Design will always be apart of me, but dissecting what made me anxious about design was the first step of helping me find a better mental health mindset.

At this point, I realized it was OKAY to not be a good fit for the company.

There was no wrong or right sides. Just like in life, sometimes you get to a fork in the road. No amount of encouragement and pushing could get me through — I had to be the one to get through this one. So, I decided on one of the scariest things of my life: to do something for myself.

I chose the path. I chose the outcome. And now I’m traveling with the support of my friends and loved ones from a company I put my heart into for 4 years. I stopped thinking I was entitled for wanting to better myself and my life.

The anxiety is there, the guilt is there. But… Time heals. Companies move on. People grow. Clients come and go. But, Jasmine? Jasmine is here to stay and I had to find a balance of work and life that allowed me to foster my best qualities and focus my personal goals.

My advice to anyone who is looking to be a designer and may foster anxiety — make sure to take care of yourself.

When it stops being fun…
When it stops bringing excitement in your life…
When it stops challenging you creatively…
When it doesn’t pay your bills…
When it doesn’t stop tears from coming…

Make a change. Maybe not a huge one, maybe not a little one — make sure to take the steps to address why your anxiety and depression is flaring up. Don’t be afraid to seek help and take steps in improving yourself first. Without working on your own happiness and stability, how can you assist clients or a company in accomplishing their goals? It took a long time for me to realize that isn’t being entitled or selfish — it’s being healthy.

I had some amazing mentors do some amazing things in business and in the community. I’ve seen some projects come to life that never had the chance to breathe before they were involved. I admired so many people in my professional career — but it’s time to admire myself.

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