Reconnecting through depression

I’m fully off my anti-depressants! For the past few years I’ve been utilizing everything my kind-hearted boyfriend, friends, family and myself could think of to reduce my anxiety and depression — cognitive behavioural therapy, meditation, the aspectics process, reading & research, osteopathy, changing my diet, yoga, learning communication strategies, taking ‘time out’, and taking prescribed medication. Many of these things I continue with, and will probably practice for the rest of my life, but I’m so proud of this step!

This is one of my most proud achievements to date. (Side note: there is absolutely no shame in taking medication. In many cases they’re a much needed leg-up and/or stabilizer, this was just a personal goal of mine.) It’s so easy to create a Picture Perfect looking life on social media and I like the idea that we might start to talk more about the things that make us human, the things we can connect more deeply over. If sharing my journey helps to catalyse the mental health conversation in any way, or reduces some stigma for those who need to talk or gives a bit of hope to someone with the black dog, I’m happy.

The combination of all of the things I mentioned at the beginning of this post, the process and the learning, has put me more in touch — with myself, those I’m in relationship with and the world around me — than I’ve ever felt before. It took me a long time to accept that taking care of myself is not selfish. I’m learning (& constantly RE-learning) to respect my mind as the incredibly powerful tool that it is. I’m figuring out what it is that energizes me and what draws my energy. Grounding my toes in soil, sand and the ocean recharges me in every way. Sometimes socialising has the opposite effect. I try to practice honesty as much as I can — this makes most things infinitely easier and more meaningful for me in the long run although it can be so difficult at the time. I write down the nice things that people say and do to help rewire my disposition for ruminating on the negative. Having nearly totally lost my health I’m working out how to respect my one and only body and it’s limits.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s REALLY hard sometimes — I’m constantly feeling out my comfort zone, making mistakes and occasionally succeeding, and I doubt that will ever change. But that’s exciting isn’t it?…

Sometimes feeling back in-touch with my world is beautiful and awe inspiring. Other times it’s agonising and tender. But I’m not so frightened of the darker moments anymore. If and when I get sucked back into my dark vortex, some part of me is aware that I’ll re-emerge; I’ve come to realise that nothing is permanent.

Regardless of the balance between ‘good’ and ‘bad’, my life is feeling wholesome again. I’ve chosen to accept the best and the worst moments of my life as part of the beautiful journey that is the human condition.

I wanted to share a little list of some of the things that I find (and have found) super helpful over the past couple of years. I didn’t stumble across and practise all these things by myself — some of them were shown to me, set up by and done alongside my loved ones — a little handholding makes a world of difference. Whilst all of this is totally specific to me, my circumstances and the people I have been lucky enough to have around me, something here might fill a space for you or someone you know that needs a hand:

- Headspace app (guided meditation for any level):https://www.headspace.com/ The first 10 sessions are free and with a £40 Anxiety UK membership you can get a years subscription. You can then pick and chose from the many ‘packs’ like ‘Managing Anxiety’, ‘Relationships’, ‘Navigating Change’. The lovely man behind these gave this TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/andy_puddicombe_all_it_takes_is_10_mindful_minutes

- CBT & NLP (self-refer or get your GP to refer you — free sessions on the NHS) http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx
https://www.networks.nhs.uk/nhs-networks/nlp-in-healthcare/messageboard/a-place-to-discuss-nlp/254282982

- For anyone who is wondering what to do next, what their gifts are or looking for an inspiring, non-judgmental space to gather your thoughts or ideas: Embercombe http://embercombe.org/. This place changed my life at a time when I most needed it! (Wholesome volunteering, courses: The Journey & Catalyst, jobs…)

- Diet: http://www.foodforthebrain.org/nutrition-solutions/depression/about-depression.aspx

- Antidepressants: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Antidepressant-drugs/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Yoga:
- Yoga With Adriene (all levels, can chose what you want to work on, bonkers-fun instructor, free youtube classes from 6 to 120 minutes long) -https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene
- Gaia (yoga & meditation classes from 100’s teachers, films & documentaries) — www.gaia.com

- Sympathy vs. Empathy (for anyone trying to reach out to someone who needs a hand)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

Beauty and body image:
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Lz6tYh4esY
- Instagram: @bodyposipanda @selfloveclubb

- Blurt Foundation (articles, podcast, blog, buddyboxes about mental health): https://www.blurtitout.org/

- John Keyhoe’s Mind Power training home study program. Something that was recommended to me and so useful at a time when I wasn’t up for doing anything more than listening to audio recordings.

- The power of vulnerability: Brené Brown https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability &
https://onbeing.org/programs/brene-brown-the-courage-to-be-vulnerable/

- Do Something Different — Small Steps to Big Change: http://dsd.me/dohappiness/

- Short video of 9 Leeds students’ mental health stories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=448&v=kYwyzkb67pA

- Beautiful article: What if All I Want is a Mediocre Life?
nosidebar.com/mediocre-life
- The Desire Map — Life Planning (again I have a PDF I can share)

- A common occurrence:http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/someone-just-cant-happy-fiff/

-Kid President’s Letter To A Person On Their First Day Here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5-EwrhsMzY

— Your friends/ family/ teachers/ neighbours/ online community. You would lend a hand to your loved ones if they asked, right? Let them do the same for you — never ever be ashamed to ask for help.

• “It’s not selfish to put yourself first — it’s self-full. To take care of you, keep you whole and healthy. That doesn’t mean you disregard everything and everyone. But you want to come with your cup full. You know: ‘My cup runneth over.’ What comes out of the cup is for y’all. What’s in the cup is mine. But I’ve got to keep my cup full.”
• “Have the compassion to be kind to yourself first, and then to others. Because as it turns out we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.”