Really appreciate the thoughtful, raw insight you offer, Shannon. This hits me personally in a big way. A few years ago one of my closest friends was murdered after a psychotic male ego violently reacted when she rejected him.
This is scary. And often feels a helpless problem.
But not teaching men how to strengthen fragile egos is still only an adjacent issue to a much more severe problem that exists at a cultural level: we’re dealing with an endemic of entitled male and female egos that spans from the Kardashians to Joe Sportswriter’s Bumble messages to the the President (You Know Who…).
My point in bringing this up is not to diminish the obvious fact that, by-and-large, men, not women, tend to turn violent when rejected. Nor do I want to undermine that you nor any woman (or person) should ever have to endure such nonsense. Rather, I’m eager to attach your point to the problem of encouraging egomania from social influencers who get paid to live-stream every waking moment of their benign existence to reality TV. We not only offer a public stage with a hinting promise at our own version of celebrity status, but, culturally, we encourage (and praise) ego mythologizing.
And if there’s anything about the ego that’s tried-and-true, it’s that the more it expects attention and worship (regardless the stage), the more fragile it gets, and the more severe (and violent) the reaction.
The result is that sense of entitlement you perfectly underscore.
When it comes to online-dating, the situation seems primed for ego-ape-shittery.
If we’re not getting the likes we want for that last selfiegram, then we go into Bumble or Tinder or OkCupid with fissures in our ego’s foundation that’s on the verge of collapse. And the first interaction that didn’t go our way ignites a powder keg that is a wounded ego.
Not to over-simplify the solution, but either we win the battle at both the levels of culture and individually, or we can guarantee to watch the problems you and so many others experience slide into unmanageable and frightening territory that poses increasingly-grave consequences for everyone.
Boy…this really shoulda just been a post on my own feed…