Did This Cross Your Mind?
A beginner’s humorous translation of online business jargon.
As a complete newbie dipping my toe into the world of online business this last year or so has been a steep learning curve. At the outset, I had little to no interest towards social media. I wasn’t on Facebook, left Twitter to the birds and thought Instagram might be a new type of email.
Two major obstacles quickly arose from the outset…
1) There was no ‘START HERE’ sign. The double-edged sword that is a (relatively) free to access platform where anyone can write anything about anything meant the volume of information was overwhelming. This was going to take a long time as well as an open mind.
2) I also saw that I would have to pretty much learn a completely new language. Technical-speak seemed to overlap with a normal conversation between those already up to speed. I could see that my (long forgotten) MS-DOS based school computer class back in 1992 just wasn’t going to cut it.
On this latter point, there were plenty of opportunities to turn seconds into minutes wondering what something meant before heading to Google for that ‘aha’ moment. So below are some examples of what I (might have) initially thought new phrases might mean with the correct definitions in italics.
In no particular order:
ROI: Republic of Ireland. (Obviously. Being an Irishman.)
Return On Investment.
Sales Funnel: A place where all my money drains away.
The stages involved in getting a sale for your business, product or service.
Autoresponder: Your mum when she picks up the phone before you can.
A program or script within an email platform which automatically replies to emails.
Clickbait: The ‘ENTER’ button on a payment page.
Content with a title created specifically in order to elicit a click.
Lightbox: Your monitor.
A JavaScript library that displays images and videos by filling the screen.
CRM: Chasing Real Money.
Customer Relationship Management.
Opt in Box: What I crawl into when I realise no one cares what I have to say online.
Registration choice which requires that prospective leads request to be contacted by a business.
Domain: Where I keep my ‘opt in box’.
Represents an Internet Protocol (IP) resource, such as a personal computer used to access the Internet, a server computer hosting a web site, or the web site itself or any other service communicated via the Internet.
Adsense: What I need to get when I am distracted by the next ‘shiny object’.
An advertising placement service by Google.
Responsive Design: The 26 versions of a homepage sitting in the recycle bin.
The ability of your website to adapt to various sized device screens.
Validation: Checking if I am as stupid as I look.
The action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of a business idea.
Split Testing: Doing lunges in my new trousers.
A method of conducting controlled, randomised experiments with the goal of improving a website metric.
VA: Virtual Anonymity.
Virtual Assistant.
Feedburner: My stomach.
Google’s RSS feed management service.
Bounce Rate: The number of times my laptop will hop across the floor.
The percentage of visitors to a particular website who navigate away from the site after viewing only one page.
Churn: My feedburner movements as I watch my laptop fall to the floor.
The amount of subscribers who cut ties with you.
Conversion Rates: The number of times I can spin around in my chair to avoid working.
The percentage of users who take a desired action.
Meme: Not a youyou.
An image, video, piece of text, etc., typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by Internet users, often with slight variations.
Permalink: A hairdressing franchise.
A weblink that points directly to a piece of content, often a blog, that remains unchanged in order to reliably access that content in the future.
Passive Income: Being told about that dead rich uncle I never knew about.
Earnings an individual derives from enterprises in which he or she is not materially involved.
Multiple Streams of Income: Being told the uncle had two brothers (sadly deceased at the same time).
Earning an income from multiple sources.
How do you come to terms with learning the online business jargon?
PS: If you would like to find out about the real jargon then click here to Wishpond.
Jason is currently an emergency humanitarian supply chain specialist and budding side hustler. He writes a small blog called A Little Bit Every Day and is the creator of the daily humanitarian focused journal Aid Memoire.
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