The Perfekt Krutch
People always say that you are your own worst critic but critic is just another word for judge and when you are your own biggest judge you can become your own jailer.
For the past year or so even though I have seen professional improvement I have felt imprisoned in my own head as an artist.
I have been stuck and no amount of inspiration has been able to give me the freedom to create.
This feeling has led me to abandon my personal projects and instead help others bring their visions to life.
Its not that I didn’t have ideas or want want to create, its just when it’s not your own story it isn’t as scary to put into the world.
I thought that letting go of the creative decisions would allow me to breathe as an artist and it hasn’t worked out, I mean sure I’ve made some money but at the end of the day the goals and the dreams I had for myself never went anywhere.
I just chose to ignore them because I wasn’t able to move forward with my ideas with any confidence.
I’ve let the pressure of an audience influence my creative process.
I stopped viewing my work as an artist and just began viewing it as a judge & over time I realized the thing holding me back was perfectionism.
The dictionary defines perfectionism as a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as acceptable.
You hear lots of people call themselves. perfectionists and usually its said as some sort of humble brag, but for me perfectionism is an anchor.
The thought of making mistakes was paralyzing.
Everything had to be perfect or it wasn’t worth even trying…or so i thought.
One simple realization was able to break these bonds holding me back.
When you look at yourself in a mirror you don’t see what everyone else sees. You’re overly critical of every detail.
We all wish we could change something we see but the reality is that those changes are things almost no one else. would notice and I realized that my art is no different.
I was criticizing my work so heavily because I was viewing it in a mirror.
I knew what i wanted to hear & see, and if I couldnt make it exactly that I didn’t see any point in trying.
But if you view your work like that you’ll never be happy, there is always a change that can be made i’ts an endless cycle of judgement and abandonement.
Perfectionism in my mind is a measure of how well something does what it is intended to do.
I create art to express myself sure, but the real goal is to create something that evokes emotion from my audience…from all of you, and if my work does that then it is as perfect as it needs to be.
Scott Adams said, creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes and art is knowing which ones to keep.
I will never be able to show you exactly what I hear in my head, at best it will be an approximation with some flaws, but that’s okay because those flaws will be the mistakes i will learn to accept and choose to keep.