Missing the Point
Your writing really resonates with me in ways I simply cannot describe. I am in my early 20s and I have been obsessed over two of the elements humans have been grappling with since the beginning — suffering and time. I know myself to be the type to seek suffering and push myself beyond my limits to gain more mental toughness everyday. Through this practice, even my darkest days seem to be a little bit more bearable because my mind is just so used to be in pain and I can just snap out of that negative state more easily. I also believe when I am suffering and being uncomfortable that is when I am truly feeling alive and as a result “slowing down the clock” in a sense.
In my mind, there has always been this final version of myself awaiting down the road where I can see what life is truly about (kind of like an enlightened monk) and look back feeling truly proud of what a great life I have had. But maybe, just maybe, I am missing the point. Maybe my sight should not be set on the end product and instead on the current suffering happening right now because that’s all that I have got. Maybe I should enjoy the suffering a little bit more because I have a feeling that it is the process that I will miss the most one day.