Athens Stories: Day IV

Revelations, Nymphs & Angry Greek Waiter

Jason Lucas
Nov 5 · 10 min read

Alright, get comfy, this is going to be a long one.

Because today was the day that everything shattered.

The day where I would, once again, question the entire direction of my life, and have my mind jump through hoops from clarity to scatteredness, going back and forth in an infinite loop, leaving me in limbo.

But let’s not get carried away.

Day IV was actually the day for our ‘Funny Stories & Crazy Myths of Greece’ tour, with the funniest guide Athens had to offer, to legendary Fragiskos.

On our way to the location, we couldn’t help but stop at McDonald’s to try out the Greek version of it. I used to think we had good lattes. But man, that Freddoccino is a hard one to beat.

However, there weren’t many meatless options, so I’m (not) ashamed to say that my breakfast consisted of… onion rings.

Yeah.

Anyway.

We got on our way direction Monastiraki Square, right next to the metro station, which is where the experience would start.

So we embarked on this journey, and started heading towards the Akropoli as Greek Frank (which is how he told his name in English — minus the Greek part) showered us with amazing facts about Ancient Greece, the culture, the history, and of course, the myths.

Socrates said: “I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world”, as Frag reminded us, and his reply to that was that “[he], however, [is] a collector of funny stories from the ancient Greek philosophers.”

And he wasn’t lying.

I instantly connected with his vibe, and was obviously dedicated to picking his brain about his vast knowledge about ancient Greece. He was a fountain of interesting information, and I would’ve honestly spent a few hours simply listening to him speak.

Walking around in Plaka, learning mind-blowing facts about Ancient Greece

Walking the same streets and alleys as Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and many other Greek philosophers and thinkers was already an incredible feat in itself, but having a guide such as Fragiskos tell their stories in such a humorous way made sure that we registered this information for an entire lifetime.

But it was more than laughs and giggles. Frag dropped the facts as much as the jokes.

There’s a quite special feeling that stems from knowing you’re roaming around where literally ignited the modern world.

Philosophy.

Democracy.

Equal Rights.

Law.

University.

The middle finger.

Yeah. Frag had many stories about Plato waving his middle finger around.

So we made our first stop at the ancient Agora, first ever marketplace where all those great minds hung out, shared ideas, and basically created history.

The Ancient Agora, first ever Marketplace

Here, we learned about various events that happened in such a historical place, such as Socrates’ wife dropping a bucket of piss over his head.

From Plaka to the Agora, from the Acropolis Hill to the Irodeion Theater, we’ve delved straight into the hot gossip and tales from 2300 years ago. Dedicated to making us discover the many hidden messages in plain sight, Frag structured the tour in three parts, where he would tell us crazy facts and make us go through quizzes where he would test our naiveté.

Without going into too much details about each quizzes, I can assure you that we absolutely loved learning mind-blowing myths and funny stories from Greek philosophers, as well as enjoying kinky secrets from Ancient Greece and some of the oldest jokes in history.

Did you know that Chrysippus actually died laughing at one of his own jokes?

And if you don’t believe it, I’d love to give you the finger and remind you how the meaning of this gesture was actually born in ancient Greece:

The middle finger actually represented the phallus.

It literally means to stick a phallus in your a**.

How can you not love Greek culture?

Part of the tour was dedicated to climbing the Acropolis Hill, where we had an incredible sight over the entire city — place we had visited a few nights before, where my internal spark initially ignited…

It was a whole different kind of beauty to be there in broad daylight.

Fully aware of the group’s touristic need to fill our phones and cameras with pictures of this wonderful sight, Frag dedicated a part of the tour especially for a little photo shoot session.

How funny was it to let them know that we weren’t a couple, especially after having him take a such couple-ish looking picture of us. To which he funnily responded to “keep it in case we change our minds so we have some material for our social medias”

And today, I say, screw it!

We might not have changed our minds, but those pictures are damn cute!

Top of the Acropolis Hill, providing an amazing sight to the city and the Parthenon

For the rest of the tour, being so passionate about Greek Mythology, ancient Greece and Greece history/actuality in general, you can bet I was obviously next to Frag for the most part, asking questions and attentively listening (for once, I refrained to show-off my poor Greek skills and managed to fully engage in the conversation).

Eventually, I came to ask this question, as a simple act of curiosity — or so I thought:

M — How difficult would it be for an outsider to move into Greece? Is it complex to become an expat in the country?

F — You’re thinking of moving to Greece?

M — I mean, it’s a beautiful place.

F — It is indeed. As you’ve probably noticed, the cost of living is pretty low in Greece, even though it is quite higher in Athens. However, the real estate itself is even more affordable now than it’s ever been.

M — No kidding?

F — Yeah. For under 150,000 euros, you can actually own a very decent property in the city.

M — That’s insane. I suppose it’s not easy to get a job though, right? Especially for non-Greek speakers?

F — My friend, even Greeks have a hard time finding a job here. The unemployment rate is around thirty percent. Most people live off a 500 euros monthly salary. It is quite difficult.

M — And what if a job… isn’t a problem?

F — What do you mean?

M — Well, what if you work, let’s say, online?

F — What is it that you do?

M — I do… video marketing, in a nutshell. My business isn’t completely operated online per se, but I am not fully bound to a location either.

F — Well, let me tell you this: if you make anywhere between 1,000 to 1,500 euros a month, you don’t have to worry about a thing.

M — So you’re saying, if someone simply made 1,500 euros a month and were to move to Greece, he or she would be able to live comfortably?

F — My friend, if you make 1,500 euros a month, you don’t live comfortably. You live like a KING. You’d be able to get a villa in the City.

And there.

There it was.

That little spark I felt two days earlier?

Forest fire.

He had just poured an entire tank of gas on that little spark and made it burn brighter than the harshest morning sun. He managed to turn that little spark into a full-blown explosion, that would keep exploding until now, at the very moment I’m typing those words — actively shaking upon remembering the feeling I had while having this conversation.

There was the call I kept hearing, that I didn’t know how to interpret.

It was Greece calling.

And I was sure as hell going to answer the call.

But we were still in the middle of the tour, and I didn’t want to miss on those mind-blowing discoveries he kept providing us. So I had to put the fire aside for a little bit longer.

But it wouldn’t go away.

As much as I tried to stay focused on the tour, my mind was completely elsewhere — and I think that lasted not only for the entire duration of the trip, but until this very second, once again, as I’m typing those words.

But we eventually ended the tour, and Frag concluded with a third and final fun quiz, where we would listen to him state a fact about Ancient Greece and decide whether if it was fiction or non-fiction.

To give you an idea of what kind of quiz this was, here was one of the statements:

When Heraclitus’s doctors could not cure him of his chronic illnesses, he self-prescribed a treatment of being buried in dung. After covering himself in manure and sitting around for a while, he realized that he couldn’t free himself and he died soon after, still trapped in a huge pile of actual shit.

It is my odd pleasure to let you know that I got this one right, categorizing it as: non-fiction.

All of us won a free natural olive-oil based soap nicely wrapped in hemp paper, which was such a nice gesture of our beloved guide.

He gave us some tips and suggestions on what we should do next, such as reaching the Parthenon at sunset in order to avoid it being overly crowded with other tourists and also
have an amazing view for our shots.

So we chilled around and strolled through the Filopappou Hill to admire the incredible sight it had to provide. More than a sight over the city, we could actually see the coast and the amazing feats that Mother Nature had expressed around the capital.

There we made many discoveries, the most interesting one being Frag’s main suggestion:

The prison of Socrates.

Prison of Socrates, Filopappou Hill

To think we walked right in front of the cell where this great mind was imprisoned was really an unforgettable fact.

At some point during our exploration of the Filopappou Hill, we decided to text our dear host Fragiskos.

We did so because we remembered, at the start of the tour, when he asked for each of our names, and dear Dafni (actually Daphnée) told him hers, he intrigued us by asking us if we knew the meaning behind the name.

At the end of the tour, he told us to text him so that he could enlighten us about it.

So we did. And he promptly delivered with an explanation.

Daphne was a minor figure in Greek mythology, most commonly referred to as a naiad, which is a variety of female nymph that was generally associated with various bodies of freshwater, such as fountains, wells, springs, and such. Referring to her as a nymph was funny for many reasons.

Another associated meaning was a specific type of plant that wore the same name as hers. It was a quite interesting discovery considering she had always been drawn to photograph similar looking plants and flowers, which really got her ecstatic.

Daphne,plant native to Asia, Europe and north Africa

After having explored the Hill in depth, we still had time for some more discovery and decided it was the perfect opportunity to visit the Akropoli museum.

So we did.

Yet again a bunch of amazing findings and learnings, that, by themselves, would take a thousand posts to breakdown completely. However, it was so interesting to witness the remains of what had been sculpted, written and created many, many centuries ago, and still — for some part — kept fully intact.

After the museum was time to get some food so we had enough energy to actually climb the Parthenon, without having dear nymph Dafni passing out, and we had the pleasure to get dissed by an angry and most likely drunk Greek waiter who graciously barked at us that we would be charged double by eating at his restaurant, which was yet another interesting marketing strategy…

His burning eyes flaming at us as we barely had time to look in his direction told us he might have had one too many.

But we weren’t phased.

Even though we kept bringing it up, in disbelief, for the next few hours…

Finally managing to find a restaurant charging us the regular price, we proceeded to ingest some energy and head back to the Parthenon.

It was about time we visited it, right?

To our big surprise and disappointment, by waiting to get the perfect timing, we had actually missed our last window by a mocking 15 minutes.

So what did we do instead?

Yeppers. Shopping.

We took the opportunity to go back to the flea markets to try and find a shirt I had had my eye on the day before when I had already depleted my daily budget fully.

On our search for this piece of clothing, we had to take a route that had previously been taken earlier during the day, as we were on our search for a place to eat.

Only now we were bitter and looking for trouble.

As planned, stumbling on angry drunk Greek waiter again allowed him to ask us if we were finally ready to eat, to which we proudly responded: “is it still double?”

To our great surprise, price had yet increased to now… triple!

Needless to say, we thoroughly enjoyed grabbing a drink to the restaurant right next to his, as
we looked at him while sipping our regularly priced, expensive cocktails.

Some more research, and a couple shops later, I had finally managed to find that wonderful t-shirt, to which the saleswoman even offered me a discount!

I was glad to see her colleague recognize me from the day before, until I heard her mumble to her teammate something in Greek that was too fast for me to understand, but also too obvious for me not to comprehend.

And so the discount was gone.

And like the great tourist I am, I still bought the shirt.

As we headed back home, we stopped to get some desert for me to digest the big fat L that I had just taken, and got our very first ‘rolled ice’. Which was an amazing way to end the day.

But for me, the day wasn’t done…

In fact, it had barely started, and an awful lot of time would be spent, in my head, playing back this conversation I had with Frag, calculating possibilities, creating, iterating, scrapping & recreating plans, overwhelmed…

But I knew I would figure it out.

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