Shaping space for you

Carving out the space you need to recharge, reflect and find your way to positive progress or just contentment in the now

Photo by SpaceX on Unsplash

The theme of space keeps coming up again and again.

In my coaching sessions. When talking with friends or peers. On social media. On the podcasts I keep listening to. Or the books I’m reading.

Now, I appreciate space is quite a complex metaphor. But I’m not really talking about geographical space. Or inter-stellar space. Although each of those can have a part to play

My framing of ‘space’ for this post is about what some describe as ‘margin’. Gaps in our diary for us. Time between things. Separation from our typical day-to-day. Doing things we enjoy. That give us energy, not drain it.

However we name or describe it, many people need more of it. But there are significant challenges for people to create that space for themselves. To shape it around their lives.

This is something i’d like to explore in this post. Maybe i’ll leave it in this early rough form, or maybe i’ll develop it over time. That depends on your engagement, my motivation, and what I choose to make space for.

We all need space

Many people I have come across recognise that having space is important for them. Often even critical for their role.

We appreciate how it can help us:

• Rest, recover or even rejuvenate ourselves especially when tired or down
• Calm upset or extreme emotions
• Help solve complex and/or creative problems we’re grappling with
• See clearly and get perspective

It’s tough to quantify the value that space gives us. Or quantify the impact of not having it. But we can describe some of the risks of not having enough space. Things like:

• Stress
• Burnout
• Depression
• Exhaustion
• Frustration

How would you describe the value you see of giving yourself space? What are the risks of not?

Despite our appreciation of the value of creating space. And despite our appreciation of the risks of not having space. It can be incredibly difficult to make the space we need.

It’s hard to make space

No matter how experienced and senior some people are, they can still struggle to get the space they need. In fact, it can be even harder the older, and more experienced you get.

Some of the reasons that contribute to this difficulty include:

• We don’t appreciate the value when compared with other things we might do instead. It’s often intangible and not likely to offer a direct correlation to something real.
• We prioritise ‘productive’ work which often can mean meetings, workshops and ‘making’ things.
• It can be hard to say no. To someone you want to impress, like or work for. To something that interests you.

What are the reasons you find it hard to make space for yourself?

First of all, it can help to see the other things you do that take up time and space from you.

Typical space fillers

There are so many things that can take up your time and your space unintentionally. Your attention. Your emotional energy.

• Children. Love them, or get frustrated by them. They can both bring you joy and erode your identity. Especially when we focus on the admin sides of our relationships with our dependents.
• Partners. As with any other person, they have their needs, often not clearly expressed. Who you partner with will change. What you looked for initially with them, will often be different to what you need now.
• Other people’s demands. Your friends, peers, colleagues, bosses, will all have needs of their own. They may ask for help. Demand it. Order it.
• Meetings and workshops. These convenient blocks of time with other people can be the most valuable thing at work. Or another excuse to come across productive. We often cram these in back-to-back.
• Task lists. Long lists of tasks we really can’t get through.

What are some of your space fillers?

If we appreciate what fills our space, maybe we can think of what space we need.

Different kinds of space for us

We are all so different from each other. What works for one person may not work for another. But we do often have similarities. And learning from others’ experiences is part of our humanity. This is a list of attributes and specific examples that may resonate with you. Or give you something to try.

• Time
• Calm
• Frantic
• Energetic
• Reflective
• Nature
• Creative
• Travel
• Non-digital
• Playing with kids
• Exercise
• Intoxication

What kinds of space have you experienced for yourself that have been helpful? What have you considered but not tried?

Despite knowing the value and the risks. Appreciating the positive spaces we need, vs the space fillers. And acknowledging the difficulty of making space.

How can we create the space for ourselves?

Ways to make space

The following are specific tactics that I have used, or come across from others. Some tactics may be more or less effective for you than others. There are a lot of contextual factors to consider. And let’s be honest, I don’t know your situation as well as you.

• Force space into your calendar. Book meetings with yourself. Set alarms or triggers.
• Colour your calendar differently to spot the space you are allocating for others vs yourself
• Set events physically apart from another and travel between them — to force transit space
• Breathe
• Meditate
• Do some yoga
• Focus or prioritise your to-do lists
• Journal your thoughts and reflections
• Let things drop. I know this can be very hard for some people. But letting things drop and being ok with it. Not beating yourself up. This can be really empowering. And let’s face it, things will probably drop anyway, so why not do it intentionally.
• Follow or subscribe to different sources of energy or joy. Comedy. Creative expression.

What ways do you have of giving yourself space?

I am intrigued around how you carve out space for yourself. Do feel free to add a comment or drop me a line.

Also, if you want some forced containers for space for yourself, I run group Shaping Workshops and 1:1 coaching sessions. The former, more structured using a library of different visual framework tools, and the latter, more emergent and dynamic based on your individual needs.

More about Shaping Workshops.

More about 1:1 Coaching here.