An Honest Politician’s Speech

My fellow Americans, I stand here today in an attempt to make you believe I actually care about your needs and wants, so here I go. We have let countless politicians get away with corruption in the federal government. I can make such a gross accusation, for I have personally committed such acts, bet enough about me. I have also seen my colleagues participate in such behavior. Although witnessing the wrongdoing, I have not exposed the individuals to the public or the media. Instead, I will blackmail the individual for a favor to be used for my own agenda. All the while, I will cite such acts with a perceived abhorrence. After completely degrading the federal government in which I undoubtingly belong too, I will now convince the masses that I am serving them adequately in office.

Poverty is ever present in our neighborhoods. I have passed social programs that in reality do little to aid the poor. Although the programs have their faults, I think it is more important that the public remain resilient. Public tolerance will allow my staff and I to come up with more excuses rather than viable solutions. If we band together, we can make half-hearted attempts at correcting the issue that will only significantly add to the general moral conscious of the public. Although I could have introduced actual growth opportunities through job creation, people seem to respond more positively to the superfluous programs I enact. Additionally, creating real jobs would take serious work that would cut into my tee time.

We should model ourselves based on the noble actions of our forefathers who fought to secure the ideals of democracy and freedom in America. When another nation is struggling to secure the same ideals as our founding fathers, we get should definitely embed ourselves in the conflict. Our founding fathers actually refused to help the country of France during the French Revolution when the French were trying to achieve the same ideals. Nonetheless, I will use our founding fathers as a reason to intervene despite its incongruousness. Thus, we will get all patriotic causing people to forget the actual cost of entering a foreign conflict.

The racism in our public institutions is deeply troubling even though I am the one with complete authority over the issue. Retraining employees would generate contempt among the workers. Sweeping changes to public programs would take considerable time and money. Instead, I will condemn the issue perhaps even more severely then you all even feel in order to detach myself from the direct role I play. My strong emotions on the matter will most likely cause some of you to protest. Sadly, I don’t care at all as long as you vote for me. I can then repeat this viscous cycle till society rips itself apart limb by limb.

Lastly, America must be prepared for the road ahead. Whatever issue you find the most important should be applied to the vague generalities that I am putting forward. We turned a blind eye as America has been wronged at the hands of outside forces. We watched as people suffered with cries audible in every state. We stood hopeless at the foot of demoralizing mountain of an issue feeling weakened. Today, I stand here to say that we can overcome the plight in front of us. We can band together and make our numbers so plentiful that the impossible seems achievable. We can finally restore the glory of a once proud nation that was championed by the civilized world. We will be the solution. God Bless, America.