This Is Not Normal

A self-recap of all the feelings after Trump’s 1st presser.

Trump just had his first presser in months. How are you feeling?


Really now? Why tremendous?

I had no idea what I wanted to write about today until 11ish rolled around and then all of a sudden, I was writing rich. If nothing else, Trump will almost always cure writer’s block.

At his last press conference, he openly asked Russians to leak emails that were damaging to Hillary Clinton. I guess they listened.

Oh you mean, Trump got the Russians do something on his behalf? I thought he fiercely denied even knowing Vladmir Putin. What would a man of his stature have to do in Russia anyway?

You’re baiting me into getting into the golden showers thing, aren’t you?

While certainly the most colorful aspect of an admittedly unverified and frankly difficult to prove document, the golden showers claim is both the most unlikely and strangely the most innocuous of Trump’s alleged actions, though of course, that act, if true, is enraging on multiple human levels. But since it can’t be proven yet, let’s stick to what we know has actually happened.

Are you at all reassured after hearing Trump speak?

It can be sometimes easy to get carried away with an opinion of someone when you don’t hear their side of the story. Trump is the complete opposite. Every time he talks or tweets, he makes things worse. I’m actually way more inclined to believe every crazy thing about him because he goes out of his way to defend every single claim, no matter how small, no matter how unlikely and he sometimes does it with all caps.

There’s another huge problem with this tactic. This guy can get played so easily and so frequently and it’s already happened. Trump puts on a show, but he’s also a mark. You can flatter him to win him over and have him support whatever it is you are pushing or insult his wealth, temperament, or sexual prowess and watch him go nuts with insults and defenses.

Speaking of defenses, he said we need some better hacking defense…

Yeah but he also specifically asked Russians to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails in his last press conference. Oh fuck it, watch this first.

All watched? Good. For fuck’s sake, you can’t ask Russia to hack and then say we need better hacking defenses. They did what he wanted them to do. Later in his press conference, he also said “But remember this: We talk about the hacking and hacking’s bad and it shouldn’t be done. But look at the things that were hacked, look at what was learned from that hacking. That Hillary Clinton got the questions to the debate and didn’t report it? That’s a horrible thing. That’s a horrible thing.” So we need better “hacking defense” (perhaps the old Cover 2 we’ve been running has finally been exposed) but if the hacking happens to help Donald Trump win an election, well maybe that’s ok.

It sounds like your brain hurts from having watched this.

My brain hurts.

Anything positive you can say about Trump after this press conference?

He’s right about Big Pharma. We don’t negotiate drug prices. The federal government is actually legally not allowed to, which, thanks Republican Congress and George W. Bush. Of course, what are the odds that a Republican-controlled Congress overturns the actions of a previous Republican-controlled Congress?

He’s also probably correct in regards to the high price of fighter jets, although that is an area where cutting corners can really cut lives.

Anything else or are we done here? I’d love to grab a sandwich at some point…

One last point or couple of points wrapped in a single point: This is not normal. Everything fits into that one sentence. A leaked dossier from a previously credible source that alleges the president-elect is a Russian spy who arranged for prostitutes to pee on a bed? Not normal. A press conference where the president-elect stops midway to bring on a lawyer to explain how he’s avoiding conflicts of interest with his business by sort of, kind of but not really separating it out from his work in public office? Not normal. That same law firm previously winning a Russia law firm of the year award? Not normal. Life is trolling us now.