Really appreciate your thoughtful words, and it’s a great question. It might help to read my latest post (albeit a long one):
NOTE: A follow up apologetic to “My Reality.” I will continue to add other passages and resources to this post as I can if you would like…medium.com
Essentially I’m not angry at and certainly don’t hate God. I’m angry at and hate the things that God hates: sin, suffering, pain, despair, etc.
But, not going to lie, I do question Him. A lot. But as you’ll read in my latest post, I draw a line in the sand, similar to Job (of course I’m not him by any means). I question, I ask why, but I NEVER curse, or deny God.
He is my hiding place, my salvation.
I’ve never been closer to Christ, I’ve never had a stronger faith than I have right now, in the midst of suffering. I believe that comes from sharing in the sufferings of Christ, and gaining the power of the resurrection (Phil 3).
Hope that makes sense. Again, thank you for commenting and for reading. God bless you my friend.