10 Reasons It Must Suck to be James Franco
or… Reasons Why the Reading at Strand Bookstore Was Horrible, by Jason Donnelly, author of Gripped
When I got home from the event last night someone asked me what I thought of his reading and the first thing that came to mind was “sad.”
Before getting too deep into this, I will say that I enjoyed Palo Alto. No, it’s not the best piece of literature in the world, but it’ll kill a few hours on the train.
Before the event started we were herded into a line on the sidewalk outside the store. We were checked off a list, given a wristband, and handed the sheet of paper pictured below.
#1. Since I pre-ordered my book with the specific wording, “James will personalize books with guests’ names.” I figured that Strand would follow through with this. But, before even entering the building we were all let down.
#2. He started 30 minutes late. 5-10 minutes late, I get it, the city can be hard to navigate. 10-20, kinda douchey, but your’e a big celebrity! 30 minutes, you just don’t have any respect…
#3. I’ve been to readings before. This was not my first rodeo, as the saying goes, but this was the first time I went to a “celebrity” reading (it being in quotes because most of the readings I go to are celebrities in my eyes, just not in movies). I’m guessing that other celebrities have realized that even if they have talent, horse and pony shows like this will not show off their work, they’ll just prove how many teenage girls they can draw.
#4. Regardless of how many people online said the event was packed, the fifth floor loft space was only about half full.They could have had twice as many people, keep that in mind.
#5. With most book release events like this, the author will get up in front of the crowd (if there is one) and say a few words, a story, an anecdote, something… James was introduced and started reading from Actors Anonymous. That’s it.
#6. Remember how I said about the teenage girls? The section he chose opened with a guy taking a drunk girls panties off and having sex with her unconscious body. In some fantasy world, he thought that this would be a good showing of his capabilities, instead, the teenagers were hooting and hollering, one girl screamed, “fuck me next!”
And then, the Q&A…
#7. The first “question” coming from an older gentleman. “My daughter doesn’t have a strong voice, but she wants to know if she can have a hug.” I’m sorry, but the audacity of this guy blew me away. Not only did a father ask if his teenage daughter could get a hug from a 35 year-old man, but that was his “question.”
#8. The actual Q&A. He surprised me with mentioning one book in particular, Mark Danielewski’s, House of Leaves (one of my favorite books) as an inspiration of his. This looks like a positive, it’s not. When I left the event and received my pre-signed book and took a look inside. Exactly like Mark’s masterpiece, Franco actually stole the formatting in many sections of his book, highlighting the word actor in blue, other phrases in red, and with no respect whatsoever, used footnotes in the same way that Danielewski did (pick it up, it’s one of the most inventive books ever written and it’ll haunt your nightmares).
#9. At one point in the Q&A he said that he’s always late, even to events he cares about.
#10. The reason he had to cancel the personalized signing was because he had to get to a movie premiere. A movie he directed, As I Lay Dying, by William Faulkner. Which most of the teenagers there will never read, but they’ll go see because James Franco is in it.
On one side, I don’t know if I’m annoyed because I’m jealous that someone I don’t find very talented had so many people at his book release. I don’t know if I’m annoyed because I’m in a book with him next year (my essay directly follows his) and I’m scared to be associated with him. Or if I’m just pissed off that I couldn’t shake the hand of that guy from Freaks and Geeks.
Either way, I’m taking a wild guess that his novel will sell thousands upon thousands more than mine, not because it’s a better novel, but because he’s James Franco.
As a writer, I’d much rather be read and loved or read and hated for what I wrote, not who I am. And that must suck for him.
Jason Donnelly, author of Gripped: Your Personality is What’s Holding You Back
Next up: An open letter to Trent Reznor!
