Resurgam

I’ve been feeling lost lately. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been lethargic, distracted, unmotivated and just in a general fuck-it-all mood. Unfinished work lay around in piles, I’d spend 3–4 days to complete a paper or tutorial that I’d normally get done in one. My tutorials got postponed in favour of the one jurisprudence essay that I actually DID get done, etc etc. At this point of time, I am definitely NOT on top of things.

And then I called Shakirah today, for her birthday. Lovely Shakirah, who I insist is the most beautifully constant beacon of light in my life. She was going through something similar, and was feeling like crap yesterday until someone asked her out for ice cream-and-wallowing, upon which she attained the epiphany that to wallow would not do justice to the people around her who loved her. To reset, she decided to go out and have lunch with friends and family. According to her, it worked, as a timely and much-needed reality check.

This is one of two relevant reminders for me (I think), the other one being Animah in one of my Facebook posts declaring that the duty of a lawyer is to find reason and fact where on the surface there is none, to see things that your client won’t be able to see, and to deal with muck-ups in stride, because your client certainly won’t be able to. She reminded me again of the distance in standard between me and a halfway decent lawyer, and it made me want to be awesome again. I feel like these two incidents are primed as a good shin kick for me to get back into my rhythm, but I’m just not feeling it yet. I don’t know why.

So my method to reset was to wake up and go to church today. I didn’t like the songs, and I didn’t listen to half the message (sorry Dec). But it was a good ritual, and it was cleansing. Though I did halfway slip into the very slippery and tempting slope of sloth and inertia, I’m confident that I will be able to make progress today. Or at least, now that I’m downing this can of Redbull, I’ll be a lot more inclined to.

Well, winding back to the title of this random post out of nowhere. I’ve been flirting with the term “Resurgam” for a very long time, ever since I stumbled upon it while reading Jane Eyre in A-levels. It means “I will rise again”, and I’ve only ever felt it on a few occasions. But I feel it’s time to invoke this obscure Latin word again, like some magical spell that will summon the arcane powers of placebos and false Jedi mind tricks. So, here’s to getting back on the awesome bandwagon. Resurgam!