As a casual Tinder and Hinge user, I have to say that I think the game is unfair.
Digital dating companies favor women behavior over men.
Who is to judge them, they make millions of our cosmic desire for love?
If we take a look at the difference between the digital dating behavior of male and female, we can understand why men perceive women as the gatekeepers of sex.
Female Sexuality through the Ages
In prehistoric times women had to pick a ‘real’ man to protect her during her pregnancy.
Can you imagine pregnant women hunting or gathering berries with a blown-up belly?
So in ancient times, man only had to show, his strength or ingenuity to conquer the feminine heart.
If we jump a few ages, religion makes marriage a holy union. But in society, most people married because of the economic benefits of joining two families together.
Women had no say in most cultures, so the parents were the ones who picked a stable looking husband.
Fast forward, to where we are now.
Thanks for the feministic revolution, women reclaimed their sexuality.
Toxic Males throw people of their games.
It is true that all men are pigs. The trick is to tame one to find truffles. — Lev. L. Spiro
To all women who read this blog post, excuse me for the behavior of my fellow men.
The book Modern Romance written by comedian Aziz Azari opened my eyes.
So there are many rotten apples in the pool of digital dating.
Some men think they can say everything because they aren’t facing the person in the physical world.
Two stereotypical behaviors interrupt ‘the game;
- Males swipe all girls because they only want to get laid.
- Women are picky because of the dangers of bad men.
It said to say, but people are still getting raped in this day of age.
Therefore being cautious online is a birthright.
This doesn’t imply that I think women’s selective behavior is justified.
I believe that women should give more guys a chance to date them.
The Female Perspective on Tinder
Imagine you are a girl.
You make an account, make some good pictures, and start swiping.
If you aren’t superficial, you scan every profile to see if the person is interesting.
If the guy is hot, exciting and not a creep, you swipe right.
If all goes well.
You wait for a message. Studies done by dating sites like OK Cupid show that women are still very passive in digital dating.
According to Aziz’s book, when guys craft an original text the chances go up but a simple, ‘Hey’ or ‘I think you cute,’ don’t cut it anymore.
Then if the conversation keeps you as women engaged, you exchange numbers and go on a date.
NOTE: I am a guy, and this is my perspective of a women perspective.
The Male Perspective on Tinder
Imagine you are a single guy.
All your mates who are in relationships or use digital dating apps seem to get more sex as you.
Yes, most men are very basic oriented.
You decide to give digital dating a chance.
You download Tider and select some pictures where you think you are looking good.
You make an account, and unless you are a model, or photogenic, you don’t get any matches.
After some research online, you come back with the foto’s that are expected by the community.
You see all these beautiful and attractive women and think you got a shot.
Similar to women, if you aren’t out there for sex, you check profiles for interesting character traits.
You send some likes and hope you get them back.
The Ugly Truth
If you are incredibly attractive, the max you get is 1/4 like-to-match conversion. Compare this to the 7/10 like-to-match-conversion of women, and you understand why men swipe everyone right.
It is too much effort to scan every profile if the chances they give you a like back are so slim.
If this picture does not convince you, I recommend watching some youtube video on the difference in digital dating between male and females.
Consequences of Digital Dating
Men are considered as sexual predators and women as sexual gatekeepers.
Is that what you want dating to be?
It also does not help that the dating pool is infinite in most metropoles.
People forget we are talking with human beings and become selective.
One lousy photo, spelling, or grammar error, and this person is not worth your time anymore.
If you get to dating, you disqualify people in a heartbeat because you are searching for the ideal match.
Second Ugly Truth
Guess what the idea that someone can comfort you in all your needs is ludicrous.
If you ever found a person who has all these qualities:
- good listening skills
- beautiful storyteller
- good lover
- good in sex
This person has probably 80 years of life experience to filter all the negative aspects of his or her personality.
Aziz and other modern love guru’s support the idea that dating people who do not belong to your world give you the most gratification in the dating process.
When you take it slow, you can learn a thing or two of your dates.
Studies show that beautiful pictures and exciting texting have nothing to do with compatibility.
Only after a deep dive of let say a year, you know everything about a person.
Go out there and meet guys or women who aren’t part of your desired world.
The dance of love is not about what you want or even need, it is about you feel.
The ancient Greeks knew the simple wisdom of falling in love.
We do not select our boyfriends or girlfriends based on specific characteristics. We understood that at highschool.
What has happened in our adult life that we forgot that?
Digital Dating is about something else.
Unless you are bonkers hot, you aren’t able to hook up regularly.
Dating apps say they help you to find love, but in reality, they help you to connect to more people.
Like a Facebook for love or sex.
There are some better alternatives as Tinder.
Hinge helps guys with the first message and gives women a chance to see the mental life of men.
Bumble, gives the initiative to women as they are the only ones allowed to start a conversation.
If there were an app where the members would primarily sign up for casual hookups, I would sign up today.
But only if both male and female have to do regular screenings to test for STDs and mental health issues.
Furthermore, to keep the male/female ratio equal, they could use quotas.
But maybe I am ahead my time.
For me, sex and dating are two separate things.
I would not mind subscribing to service, which helps me with my sexual urges.
Contrary to popular opinion, I would believe that as many women as men would sign up.
Only when sexual gender stereotypes disolve, will humanity be truly free.
This blog post is #27 of the 30 days-blog challenge.