This is a multi-part post. I’m writing about this because I’ve been asked so many times by my peers: what does it mean to be successful? It’s not an easy question to answer.
More than ever, our society is focused on acceptance — acceptance of beliefs, race, preferences, position, status, etc. As great as this is, there is a lack of acceptance when it comes to goals and success. For example, I went to celebrate my promotion at my former firm, Parcel Pro. I went with a couple of coworkers to a bar in Downtown LA that is usually filled with younger business professionals. There I ran into an old acquaintance from high school who I haven’t really spoken to since. By simply bringing up my new promotion during our conversation, there was an immediate sense of envy from him. Upon his revelation that he was still working at a boba shop in our hometown, a huge wave of unnecessary competitiveness began to show. He went from jealous to straight up defensive. Never once did I criticize him, but he looked down on my success as bragging. He turned around and had the audacity to to give me life advice. He told me that my priorities weren’t in line when, no offense, he has done nothing with his life.
On the contrary, one of the most successful people I know is a dear friend of mine. At 23, she waited to find a job that she wanted instead of just hopping on the first train to corporate. At just $35,000 a year, she was getting pennies for the hours she put into this produce company. But she loves her job. She enjoys going to work, the stress, the challenge. And she brings that positive attitude to everything she does, including her relationships. She’s the true definition of success in my mind. Another friend of mine is an Analyst. At 27, he threw away his six figure job at a consulting firm to pursue his dream of being a restauranteur. He now owns an incredible Italian restaurant in the South Bay that is about to go big, Most of all, he’s happy and he loves his job. His passion of food showcases it. These people are just some examples of how success is so much more than just finance.
What is Success?
It’s strange to me that a lot of people believe success is equitable to money. Not that it doesn’t make sense, but the fact that success and money are synonymous. They should be separate terms that are affiliated with one another. Happiness is something that is usually left out of the conversation. Yet there’s that common saying: “money can’t buy you happiness.” You’d be a fool telling me that being able to get a house for your parents or paying off your student loans 5 years ahead of schedule isn’t something that would make you happy.
But then, there’s the other side of “success”. The kind that is just handed down by parents and these kids brag about it like it’s their own. Just the other day, I was viewing my Instagram and saw an acquaintance of mine getting a brand new BMW 7-series. Now, I would be incredibly happy for her, if it weren’t for the fact that she was 25 and unemployed — her parents got it for her as a graduation gift. Aside from doing a great job at humble bragging, she just announced to the world that she got an aspirational, $100k+ car for getting into Grad school on mom and dad’s money? Another person I knew called me specifically to gloat about how he got a new job at T-mobile as a General Manager. That’s great news right? But, he failed to mention that it was for his uncle’s T-Mobile shop. Another girl I used to be friends with would always complain to me about how people in Los Angeles are terrible. She had moved from New York. But here she was, bragging to me and my friends, how 150 people showed up to “her birthday party”. To most, that sounds amazing. 150 people came to your birthday party?But it was a lie. It wasmy own Holiday Party that I threw and she attended. But she bragged as if she had all these friends when she didn’t. She is so afraid of being left out that she will lie about her popularity in business AND personal. This is not success. Not even by a mile.
You can hashtag as many #ImSpoiled or #IWorkHard or #Ilovemyfriends’ you want. That doesn’t mean you earned it. It wasn’t done by you.In fact, it might not even be true even though you lie to yourself that you did. This isn’t even an issue of the money or popularity — its the sense of entitlement that comes with this version of “success”. And we somehow think this is OK. It’s one thing to have money and popularity. its another thing to throw it at people (your children, friends, connects, etc.) like there’s no meaning behind it (or when there is literally no backing behind it).
In summary: Success is relative. Getting into Graduate School is just as gratifying as getting a new job or even a new car, but the vilification comes from those who look at the reward as too ostentatious or not valuable enough. The problem lies less in the hatred of successful people but more in the jealousy of the person vilifying the latter. A person can hate anyone for any reason but if the hatred isn’t justified by something done to the “judger” then the hatred becomes petty and thus pathetic.
Part Two…Coming Next Week
Stay tuned for Part Two coming next week. I’d like to know your thoughts about Success. What does Success mean to you? What would you do to achieve your version of success?
Special Credit
I want to send a special thanks to my friend Jason Shi (@jashishi) for inspiring this article. His original Facebook post about Vilification of Success compelled an interesting forum of conversation that led to this article. Additional thanks to Sam Felman (@SamFelman) and Kenan Jiang for their critical input.
Jasper Lynn