Where am I?
I put in so much work to know myself better. Psychological research, behavioral studies, social sciences.
Freud, Frankl, Nietzsche, Pavlov, Maslow, Piaget, Ericsson, Bloom, Ariely, Robbins. All the names of the game.
Developmental, abnormal, cognitive, childhood, clinical, introspective, positive, therapeutic, psychoanalytic, consumer, social psychology.
The will to power, the will to meaning, the will to pleasure. Id, ego, superego. Conditioning, bias, prejudice. Hierarchy of needs. Finding my why. Retrospective analysis. Running through my mind everyday where I was, where I am, and where I’m gonna go.
At the end, in all this uncertainty, the only constant is, I’ll never really know at all. Sometimes I’m the kid who’s happy with dessert and sunsets, sometimes I’m the student who tries so hard, sometimes I’m the teenager with only the moment in mind, sometimes I’m the YA who still takes a couple pills to sleep. I was all of these people, I still am all of this people, and I’m sure different parts of me will continue staying with me. You know what the silver lining is?
Tomorrow, two months later, 6 years later, at the end of everything, I can be all of who I was, and still choose who I want to be. For now, I’ll just stay lost.
You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. — Henry David Thoreau