A true friendship

Friends – everyone needs them. Someone who gossips with you about a person you don’t like; someone who buys you alcohol and ice cream when you’re feeling down; someone who loves you for who you are.

Couldn’t relate until recently.

Most of the people I considered to be my friends turned their backs on me as soon as they heard any rumours about me or had enough of my presence. They came and went. Only one friendship lasted longer than two years – after 10 years, we moved on. We lost interest in each other; we had changed too much and keeping the contact got harder throughout the last years.

She didn’t really support me in the way I was supporting her. It was my decision to end this – the last time we agreed on something.

Since I joined Twitter I’ve met so many people. I’m still following one of my very first online friends, although we don’t really talk anymore. So many fandoms, so many new faces.

Not all of the people I became friends with are still around. From my very first group chat – phankuna matatas – are only two people left; Lorik and Emily. The rest moved on.

It was an amazing chat, no doubt. Looking back at our cringy conversations and our official Twitter account, I can say that I don’t regret anything. It was a great time and I’m glad it died without any drama.

Four years ago I met Lee. Back then he was still a girl. As soon as he left Twitter I decided to talk to Shay, one of his friends from school. Of course, I still miss Lee but if he never left Twitter, Shay and I wouldn’t be friends now.

I do call Shay my best friend. She’s been always there for me and always knows how to cheer me up; she’s done so much for me. I still feel bad for briefly replacing her with someone who took advantage of me… one day, I’ll pay her back in the way she truly deserves it. I have to. I don’t think Shay realizes how important she is to me. The late night calls; the Mario Kart or Splatoon gameplays; the letters; the messages – it all matters so much.

But she’s not the only one who I can call a true friend anymore. Of course, she’s my best friend and I will never leave her behind, but recently I joined a new group chat.

At first I felt really uncomfortable. It took me a while to get used to it. Yeah, making new friends ain’t that easy since I already was quite happy. However, I felt like I should try something new, and I don’t regret it at all.

Recently… half of the chat shared their stories, including me. Reading those messages… it broke my heart. I just couldn’t believe it. No one deserves to go through something like this and I wish they never have to go through their own personal hells ever again.

Once I shared my story, I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. All these memories, mixed with what I had just read… it was all too much for me. The support I received afterwards literally overwhelmed me. It might not be much in some people’s eyes but you have no idea how much I needed it. I’ve been at my lowest so many times – it felt good talking to someone else about this.

After that we went back to our regular shitposting and roasting, however those messages never left my mind. I keep have to re-read them because right now I don’t know what else to do.

My situation is quite hopeless, at the moment. My friend Kevin… I don’t know if he’s having a bad time right now or he’s been fooling me the whole time, considering his phone is turned off and our trip is right around the corner. What am I supposed to do now?!

I don’t want to annoy anyone with this because everyone’s so happy right now and I don’t want to kill the mood. Maybe I’m just overthinking all of this; I can’t tell, yet. It’s bugging me, nevertheless.

Should I tell my friends anyway?

I guess I have to. I trust them, and I hope they can help me somehow. After all, I already gave some shitty advices and made some horrible jokes.

Nothing is perfect but I appreciate every single second of it.

Thank you for reading my bullshit. ❤️

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