Are You There, Medium? It’s me, Jaxon.

It’s 2019 and I’ve finally made it back to this tiny sliver of heaven.

Welcome to 2019 guys. It’s new year, new me time.

I bet you woke up early today and chowed down some power breakfast smoothies and kale. Your planner is stuffed full of things to do. Your resolutions are printed out and hanging on the wall. You have every intention of following through this year because last year you failed, and the year before that and the year before that.

My new year has started a little differently. I got home from my New Years vacay yesterday, and as soon as I stepped through the door I started getting a sore throat.

Hello Cold, my old friend, congrats on yanking me down off my high horse.

Yesterday I was riding high on New Year New Me, and I intended to jump back into my personal work, after picking up my new glasses. Guys I look like a mega book nerd with these new frames. #winning

I have a novel to finish rewriting so I can start sending it out for rejections. >Resolution, finish that f*cking book you coward.

I have a short story I intended to self-publish over two weeks ago that still isn’t finished. Its the second in a series, №3 should already be done.
> Resolution, stop being a p*ssy, the world needs Rurik and Cosimas steamy adventures.

I was going to jump in and start demolishing my ArtWar challenge because I fell behind and now I only have 12 days left to create an entire 3D character from scratch. 
>Resolution: Aim for one new 3D character a week, make more art, stop letting your fear of inferiority stop you from being a 3D artist badass.

I was going to start reading a new book. 
>Resolution: Read at least one book a week. Social media scrolling has destroyed your long-term concentration. It’s time to destroy social media’s archaic hold on our lives

I was going to jump back into my current freelance project because the holidays are now over. 
> Resolution: STFU and do it. You’re good at it. Stop being a wimp.

I was going to start working on some Instagram posts for my new company which launched a few months ago called Unicorns & Co. 
>Resolution: This is the year we blast off with sales.

I vowed to get back onto Medium and start writing again despite the lowball comments and digs that kicked me out of the Medium race last year, and busy times that I used as an excuse to not get on here.
>Resolution: stop letting other people’s shitty opinions wreck you, ok? Make time, sleep when you’re dead.

Yeah, I was going to start the year kicking ass.

I’ve already failed.

Out of all of those things I had planned to do yesterday, the only thing I managed to do was start this article last night before going to sleep on my floor. Yes, my floor, because I found another Huntsman spider in my bed and I’m terrified to get in there, and the Australian heat and terrible insulation in my apartment has me camping underneath my air-con 24/7.

So now it’s 2019, I have a new cold (it’s going to kick my ass) sore muscles in my neck, ribs and back, my hips wrecked from an old injury and sleeping on the hard floor, and a glitchy appetite, but I’m back on Medium, b*tches.

Just spending a couple of hours reading new stories and articles has lifted my spirits a bit and helped push me to finish this story. It may seem self-centered, but I wanted to write it anyway as an outlet for my own frustrations, and a shoutout to everyone else who feels the same to tell you that you’re not alone and that no you haven’t failed. Every tiny step counts.

One small step today.

One small step tomorrow.

Fifty big steps the next day because it’s time to catch up.

I’d say to tell me about your resolutions in the comments below, but I think I’d rather hear your goals. Tell me what you’re going to accomplish and create this year.

I want to hear it.

JLRose is an American fantasy writer, 3D artist and game designer living in Melbourne, Australia. She’s spent the past three years working on the first full-length book of The Galean Universe and is currently querying it to agents.