Mirror mirror in my room…
I’ll start with the brutal question…
How many of us are really happy with our body ?
You see that body-positivity post on Instagram or Tumblr and when you read it, you’re like, “Hell yeah! Haters gonna hate, I love my body..” but then how many of us really, appreciate and love ourselves just as we are, bags, love handles, et al.
It’s great when you have have friends who’re constantly telling you ‘you’re amazing, you look great! You’re gorgeous’ and even then, does someone else have the feeling, if their compliments have any truth ?
I get it, as you grow older, your lifestyle changes, your sleep patterns, mental peace, your diet, that secret de-stress snack you keep hidden in the closet, all of it constitutes to how your body changes. And yes, I agree, it’s a constant battle with yourself, trying to gain that acceptance in you, that yes, I am happy as am. But, Oh! When you see the next person who looks absolutely beautiful to your eyes, isn’t the first thought that comes to your mind, am I as good /thin/tall/beautiful ?
It’s not fair that not only COVID is keeping us all in lockdown, but you also have to have enthu-cutlets (read adults enthusiastic about working out) who challenge you to a 30-day work out, or a push-up challenge, and what not.
I’m not talking about only now, but even in the last couple of years, even as there is rising awareness about body-positivity and loving yourself, people, even your friends feel it’s funny to throw around words like, “Haha. How much more have you gained this year? What’s your secret to gaining weight, I can never seem to gain weight.” Or even that ' you’re looking like an uncle/aunty, you need to loose weight' etc…
I want to make this clear and put it out that everybody, yes everybody including the “fit gym body” people have insecurities that are bundled up, tangled in a mess, taht each person is trying to get out of.
Your words, however you think is motivating, or ' that’s a joke. hahaha. Loosen up' you think it is, isn’t honestly helping anyone, but you to feed off of making someone feel even more bad about themselves.
Even the strongest of us can break, we are afterall, only humans with feelings. And your words however harmless you think it is, might somewhere stab someone, unintentionally, opening up fresh insecurities in them.
Mine has always been said case,
A constant battle between ‘Sometimes I want to work out because I want to loose weight to fit into societal pressures, and on the other hand, it’s To hell, what they think, my body, my life'
Always a skinny child, till I was in college, I never crossed a 45 kgs on the scale. And then, there was work, assignments, balancing peer pressure, deadlines to meet, stress-eating and what not, slowly I started hating my body. I tried to hit the gym while I was on my first job. That didn’t work out well, and then I threw myself at so many diets, keto, vegan, military, 28- day diet, raw meals diet, Juice cleanse, ugh. You name it, I probably put my body through it.
And all this, when I love food!
It’s come upto a point, where now over the last three years, I have slowly stopped taking full-length pictures of myself, simply because, at the back of my head, there’s a blinding sign flashing everytime I take a picture that says you’re not perfect.
It’s hard, when people say “but you’re not even that fat, or there’s so many people who’re fatter than you..” I mean, how does that help someone in anyway ? How does someone saying you’re just lazy, maybe you should try yoga, or just walk, that should do, help you, when every single time a person stares at you, that goblet of self-doubt and insecurities boil up all over again? How does one quiten the noise?
Will you or I, ever be able to go to the other end of the tunnel? Or will we get lost in its absorbing darkness?
