I will start from when I graduated from High School.
I didn't know what I wanted to do afterwards, I asked myself if really that happens to anyone —I qualify to go to college but I am confused. I don’t wanna take no time of but at the same time, I feel that I need to just take a year off from my studies.
By the Way, I Live in South Africa.
Things are a little more different compared to the rest of the World or should I say I think they are. I feel like kids in other continents except for Africa have much more chances to live their dreams than us Africans.
For one, I wish I did computer science from High School but then my school was poor at that time and still is even poor. I wanna change it one day. I am sitting here while typing this from in my room in University that is still kind like in construction.
I think depression is my friend.
I am always worried about everything that I do. When I was in primary I stayed with my grandparents. I still remember the first day that I went to Sias (where my grandparents stay), I went out to play with other kids and then I got into a fight with this other kid who later became my friend and he beat me up so bad I ran to my granddad to tell him he said to me that I shouldn’t tell him because the kid was my age I should fight for myself. So from that day on I wouldn’t tell anyone when I get bullied or anything, so that kind of affected me and even more my confidence, self-esteem so I was always bullied at school and I wouldn't tell anyone because I was afraid after what granddad had said. Then I lose my dad, i mean our dad (Me and my awesome siblings) who never give up on Me.
So I am in High school.
I am this shy guy and I meet a friend who is like me, we both like studying because of the fear of failing and even worse we don’t want to disappoint our parents. I am one the guys that get picked on. There are cool guys and then I fall in love with this girl and I can’t even talk to her let alone be free when she is around. But then she doesn’t know, is like I thought she could read my mind. I start to want to do things to impress the cool kids.
When I get to my last grade, I start to feel a little confident but only around my friends. I am selfish and I can’t even see it, I guess my past changed me made me a bad person. even at home, they know that when I am upset “Don’t mess with Me”.
I would be like that at the same time I am scared and Like at home we only left with my mother and things get a little difficult.
So I sometimes feel like I am not in control of myself and I get jealous of other people while they looking like they have everything figured out.
One thing I know about me is that I am willing to learn.