But Don’t you think…?

But Don’t you think…?


I’m a parent. A parent of a 5 year old, who does not listen to a lot of things I say. How in the world do I get her to listen, so that eventually when she grows up I have conversations and not command. I’m also a manager, how do I get the people on my team to accept some of the ideas running through me. Not as ‘Yes Boss’ acceptance or a vehement “Get Lost/Do what you want”, but more a conversation.

Socratic Questioning, is it the answer? Well the question itself shows Socratic Questioning in it. So what is it? My experiences with it has really been powerful. With my kid, I allow her to think, on what she needs to do, say she wants a Chocolate Muffin, and I do not want her to have one, as she has had one 2 days ago already, what do I do? I ask “But don’t you think, you are eating a lot of sugar”, her reply most likely is “No!”. I continue on “But don’t you think, your teeth would spoil, with so much sugar”. The conversation continues, till she realizes how much she needs to have and when,

A similar approach is what I use with my team. If I want a design differently, I ask, but don’t you think….? It is really effective, as sometimes even my thoughts could be wrong, and instead of a head on altercation, this gives a more placid and meaningful discussion.

Some points to note on “But don’t you think…?” Socratic Questioning approach

  • This approach requires a lot of patience
  • One needs to already be thinking about the subject, answers are not readily available to both the parties in the conversation, it is an exploration
  • Will to concede is as important as will to prove a point.
  • Works with everybody, as long as no jargon's are used, the minute I start to use jargon's in my conversation, I show supremacy and not really solve the problem.
  • Lastly no manipulation, even if the conversation does not result in your way of things, willingness to accept it this time, and attempt again the next time. Do not resort to older command and control techniques again.

image credits: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wallyg/1659482830