Six sports, one day: The greatest sports day in history
America is the land of all-you-can-eat buffets, a land where more is never enough. And it was in that spirit last November that I, in Miami with no assignments and a lot of time on my hands, decided to see just how many sports I could cram into a single day. As it turned out: a lot.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I was a beneficiary of a favorable locale and schedule. Sports of every stripe run through Miami, and a November Saturday was ideal for catching a whole bunch of ’em. Without a whole bunch of navel-gazing commentary, here’s the rundown, both itinerary and statistics…
Horse Racing: Gulfstream Park
We begin, as all epic journeys do, at a casino. The in-process-of-redevelopment Calder Casino, to be precise, which hosts Gulfstream Park. The casino is half-operational, half-ghost shell — that building you see above is completely empty, and all the betting (and grilling) is done in those white tents in front of it. I arrived about 11 in the morning, and the place was already dotted with old men perusing race forms, the kind of old men who retired to Miami that you really shouldn’t look at too closely if you know what’s good for you. All the bets are via online station, and you need to pay attention or you’re going to throw your money at a race happening on closed-circuit television hanging nearby. I had time to watch one race, I scattered a few bucks on a handful of horses, and none of them won. A lovely experience.
Total amount bet: $25 (high roller here, y’all)
Parking Cost: N/A
Football: University of Miami vs. Georgia Tech, Hard Rock Stadium Or Whatever The Hell It’s Called This Season
Miami’s stadium is virtually within sight of the casino, but as with anything in South Florida, walking simply isn’t an option if one wants to avoid becoming a hood ornament. So I wheeled around to the parking lot, which looked a whole lot more full than the stadium photo there would indicate. I wheeled in and found a space — there was no one around to pay, which seems a real oversight on the part of Miami’s enterprising extralegal class — and scalped a ticket off a guy still sitting at his tailgate. When I asked how much for the ticket, he shrugged, said “five bucks?” like he didn’t even want to bother with the transaction.
Inside, I could see why — there were only the hardest of hardcore Miami fans there, and nobody seemed much interested in what was happening on the field, not even the ushers. I started somewhere near my seat in the upper deck, and had exactly zero trouble walking to within four rows of the field. The last time I was here, I saw Florida State beat the Hurricanes in a thrilling nighttime showdown. This was pretty much the opposite of that. But it was football, and it counts.
Ticket cost: $5
Parking cost: Free
Baseball: Serie de las Americas, Marlins Park
This was the unexpected bonus, baseball in November. The Serie de las Americas, a four-team tournament between Dominican and Venezuelan winter league teams, happened to be taking place at Marlins Park, the bloated, ticklike stadium resting just outside downtown. I was literally the only gringo in attendance, but we all spoke the common language of baseball. I had no idea who was playing (Navegantes del Magallanes vs. Cardenales de Lara, as it turned out), but it didn’t even matter.
The stadium wasn’t anywhere close to a sellout; one foul ball dinged backward into the upper deck sat untouched for almost a full minute while a few kids searched for it in a frantic Easter egg hunt. But I have to concede that it is a beautiful place to watch baseball, and it’s got one of the coolest exhibits I’ve ever seen at a ballpark:
Best part: the entire display shakes gently, so all the hundreds of heads bobble in unison.
Ticket cost: $26.72
Parking cost: $15
NASCAR: Xfinity Series championship race, Homestead-Miami Speedway
Homestead’s the outlier here, 30 miles south of Miami. From a ticket perspective, this was a bit of a cheat; I had a press pass and so could park within mere feet of the track. Still, it was peak Miami: if you look above, you can see former The U star Warren Sapp in red shirt, and former The U booster Luther Campbell next to him in cargo shorts. Loud and fast, and a long journey to my next stop.
Ticket cost: N/A
Parking cost: N/A
NHL: Florida Panthers vs. New York Rangers, BB&T Center
This was the farthest drive of the afternoon, 56 miles from Homestead up to Sunrise. And this also marked the loudest, most engaged crowd of the day. Now, much of that was due to the opponent; the Rangers brought out expatriate New Yorkers from every corner of South Florida. Hockey fans are rabid loons, and sweaters were present in abundance. I wanted to down a few beers and stay, but I had a few more miles to go before I slept.
Ticket cost: $33.66
Parking: N/A (Pro tip: showing up late to events = free parking)
NBA: Miami Heat, American Airlines Arena
Ticket cost: $24.71, Stubhub
Parking: $10
For the final stop of the tour, I made my way back into downtown Miami, parked in a sketchy-looking parking garage, walked through some streets that I’m fairly certain are the same ones I used to shoot up in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and made my way into the arena. This wasn’t much of a game — Miami kind of sucked, and their opponent, the Philadelphia 76ers, was even worse — but hey, I was here, wrapping a ridiculous sports day. I finished off the night in a streetside cafe lit by fluorescent bulbs, scarfing down a Cuban sandwich as a local MMA fighter and his girl celebrated at the other end of the bar.
MMA! That’s what I forgot! Ah, well. Next time.
Behold, the map:
By The Numbers:
Total time spent: 11 hours, 37 minutes
Total miles driven: 175
Total questionable decisions made in Miami traffic (me): 17
Total questionable decisions made in Miami traffic (others): infinite
Total miles of Miami highway that run straight and/or level: 0
Total home team victories: 3
Total horsepower of winning racers: 276 (car: 275, horse: 1)
Total ticket cost: $116.09
Total parking cost: $25
So there you have it. Not an easily replicable task, I grant you, but one well worth trying if you have a spare day, a few bucks, and a full tank of gas.
