Letter to my future sons and what I will teach them.
I will teach my son(s) to be human, I will tell them that vulnerability is OK and so are emotional expressions. They are not a sign of weakness. I will teach them about respect and dignity, and they will first learn about gender equality from me.
I will strip them of any form of privilege or faux shield that patriarchy will try to bestow on them. I will tell them about patriarchy and how it stinks. Of how it is depriving and limiting.
I will write to them about patriarchy and this what I will tell them.
Patriarchy stinks, it is a charade of masculinity from a weak society, instituted by men and women long gone and this is what it does.
It plays a facade and tells you to dance to it’s tune with vigor. With lyrics that says you are a man therefore you are greater than, not by your intellect or the values which makes you a person — human. No it’s because you are man, male, masculine, macho. And you are deserving of it all -power,respect,sex. They are your inherent right. Shove it down the throats of all and sundry. "Because you are man".
Demand for these rights, because you are deserving. Flex your muscles when they say no, demand for whatever with force,and with violence. Violence is your entitlement, a part of your masculinity.
But Chike it will also rob you of your humanness!
Emotions are for the weak and you must never show any sign of vulnerability for it is not for us. It is a sign of weakness that tends to ridicule all that muscle and masculinity. "How can a man cry? Na woman?"
Chike you are human and your emotions are a part of you, don’t stifle them, express them because you are human and you will master them.
You are man and therefore deserving of a woman, she is "fragile" because she is woman, weak because she displays so much emotions. Yet hard to understand because of her sex! Her sex! It will do so many things to you, it will arouse you in ways you didn’t expect, dig up those emotions you have so well buried under the shroud of your 'masculinity' your macho. It will ask you to be something other than a man - a patriarch. She will demand of you to be vulnerable, to accept your humanness. Not to fight it as we have thought you to. But No. You must remember that you are a man, a patriarch and this is how you will handle this. Man you are and therefore deserving of everything, including the woman. She must submit to u with her body, mind and soul. And you may reward her with your love. But don’t forget that you can always switch the definition of love to suit whatever narrative you want to push, whether religious or cultural. Because you are man, deserving and above everyone.
You are a complete human as a man, but because she is woman she is not.
You are entitled to her sex, so when she squirms and refuses you must take it by force! You are a patriarch and culture will back you up.
Chike patriarchy will cloth you with these lies, and they will stunt the growth of your mind, body and soul. Your mind will never wean and it won’t permit your weaknesses to wane. They’ll stay there and fester with age. You’d grow old but you will fail to grow up. And when your weaknesses festers like a wound, they will become like sores with leaking pores and it will seep from the cloak of your masculinity. With its stench it will follow you everywhere. You ego becomes fragile and you are left with no sense of self!
You have become lost just like many others it has lied to.
Then you start looking for her, the woman that one you will call wife (and do a favor by giving her your surname). She must wean you like a baby, clean up your wound and heal your broken soul - the one that you self damaged! She must also give you her sex! And submit to you! She is your wife. She must serve you food, cook,clean, earn some money and bring it home and take care of your needs! She is your wife!
Then your wounds starts healing. You enjoy her subservience and feed fat from the ignorance of a patriarchal society and where it has placed her. You have no presence in your family, only that of the 'head’. Then you are old and weary, and ‘the wife’ continues to wean you.
This is patriarchy my son. And you won’t wear it’s skin like many men do. You will learn to be human. You will hold yourself accountable not to any God or to any woman, but to yourself and your society and to the man you are becoming and to the life you want to live. You must admit your weaknesses and mistakes without hiding them under privilege so that they can wane and you can grow mentally, and your soul will flourish.
You will see these men that suck up to privilege and tell you that they are men and it is natural. My son you will see right through their fragile egos, insecurities and self proclaimed privilege. Lazy and undeserving. And you will put them in their place.
As a father you will raise strong, confident, whole and intelligent daughters and sons equally and teach them to be human. Tell them to reach far beyond these skies.
You will be a deserving husband to a deserving wife.
And finally my son patriarchy will never be the defining standards for the man that you will become.
With so much love