How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty: The Ultimate Guide
You often come across situations when your employer asks you to do something, your friend or colleague asks for your help, but you are too busy to agree to their request.
At the back of your mind, your inner voice says, “Common! Say No! It’s just a two letter word. Just say it!” But the very next second, it says, “Nah! How can I say No, that too so directly? It just doesn’t feel right.”
Every one of us faces this dilemma quite often in our daily life — we know we can’t comply with the request, but even after knowing this, we say yes.
Why is it so uncomfortable?
Dr Vanessa K. Bohns, a social psychologist, puts ‘avoiding the discomfort of saying no’ as one of the primary reasons people tend to say yes even to things they don’t want to do.
According to the renowned psychiatrist, Dr Nicole Washington, there are instances when we don’t want to disappoint a close friend or offend someone by declining their request.
Why it’s important to say no?
Saying no comes with its own set of insecurities. You feel guilty about hurting your dear one’s feelings. Sometimes you’ll miss out on certain things, things you may actually enjoy.
Who, after all, wants to miss a camping trip on weekend with friends? However, your body requires physical and mental rest after a tiring week at work.
Remember, you are human, and your body has certain limitations. Saying no is one of the best ways to take care of yourself. By saying no to your friends, colleagues or employer, you are actually saying yes to your self-care and your physical, mental and emotional well-being.
Doing this creates a much-required space to rest and recharge your body with new energy to bounce back much stronger after a hectic working period.
Hence, you shouldn’t feel guilty while saying no — because you are not committing a crime while doing so.
Ultimately, it’s your life. And, you have complete authority over your life — you’re free to build a fulfilling life on your own terms.
When should you say no?
While we know, it’s tricky to decide when you should say no, here are some questions that you should ask yourself to make the decision —
- Are you interested in the work/proposal?
- Out of your busy schedule, do you have time for this task?
- Can you ensure that by accepting this request, you can do justice to the work?
- Can you ensure your other work won’t suffer due to this?
- Are you physically and mentally healthy to handle the task? Or are you suffering from a headache or sleepless nights recently?
- Are you the most suitable person for this task?
If the answer to any of the questions listed above is no, it’s good to pass on the request.
Now, you can probably decide when you should decline a request. The next step is, how?
How to say no without feeling guilty?
You can say no without feeling guilty while being kind and respectful.
Farris Cash puts its nicely —
“You are not saying no to the person, instead you are declining the request.”
Here is how you can decline the request without feeling guilty—
Be straightforward — Say directly
Sometimes it’s good to be direct. There’s no meaning in confusing and giving false hopes to the person making the request.
Don’t say ‘maybe later’ or ‘some other time’ or ‘I will think about it.’ Saying so may prompt the person to ask you the same question another time.
Some examples —
- “Sorry, but I won’t be able to.”
- “Unfortunately, I’ll have to pass on this.”
Explain yourself briefly
A brief explanation of why you are declining the request can convince the person without hurting him/her. Make sure you point out genuine reasons and keep it short and concise. An explanation of two-three sentences should be good to go.
For instance —
- “This sounds great! But I can’t handle the project work now — I’m busy in preparing for competitive examination the next month.”
- “A trip to Goa sounds fun, thanks! Unfortunately, I have to attend my cousin’s wedding this week.”
Thank for considering you
You might find it difficult to say no because the person making the request means a lot to you. The person might have helped you in your tough time, and you want to pay it back. Naturally, you feel bad for denying him/her.
To deal with this, express your gratitude and appreciation for considering you for the task.
To put an example —
- “You coming to me really means a lot. But, as you can see, I’m pretty much involved in the annual college fest preparation. Pardon me this time.”
The above example not only appreciates the person with the request but also details your reasons for denial.
Suggest an alternative
Do you know someone better than you at the requested work? If you are busy or too tired and can’t give time to the task, you can suggest someone to the person asking for your help.
Sometimes you can’t finish the task immediately but after some days or maybe on the weekend. In that case, you may suggest an alternative date and time.
For example —
- “I am not expert in Graphic Design work but my friend Abhijeet is pretty good at it. May I introduce you?”
- “I am quite busy this Wednesday. Can we meet this weekend?”
By suggesting an alternative, you enhance your reliability and encourage people to approach you for future projects in the hopes that you would eventually assist them.
Making a win-win situation for everyone.
Maintain your stance and stand firm
Once you’ve said no, keep that as your final decision. Maintain your stance. Don’t give in, no matter how hard the person tries to persuade you. If you change your stand once, people may eventually trick you into agreeing to things you don’t want to in the future.
By standing firm on your decision, you don’t give your friends and colleagues any chance to persuade you further.
Some requests can’t be turned down immediately. You might need time to ponder the request and decide whether you can say yes or no. As a result, you may ask for some time to decide.
You may say, “Can I let you know by tomorrow?” Or, “I’ll think about it and get back to you.”
Remember to be precise while asking for time. Don’t give a response like “I will see” or “I’m not sure” and leave the person asking for your help confused.
Final Thoughts
Saying no is challenging, no doubt about it. There are times when you regret saying no. But, it’s necessary to live a healthier life. And with these tips and a little practice, one can quickly master the art of saying no.
