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Yes, your preference for light-skinned women or non-black poc is anti-black

So honestly, I thought we had already been through this.

Photo courtesy: Creative Commons.

There are so many think pieces on how preferring lighter-skinned, biracial, or non-black women of color is anti-black, I didn’t think I would need to write another one, especially as a lighter-skinned black woman.

But here I am. And here we are.

Preferring women based on their skin color alone is anti-black and a result of colorism.

To say that a woman is more attractive or more dateable based on her skin tone is colorism.

And if you feel this way, don’t date me. And if you’re black and you feel this way, fight me.

I didn’t always feel this way and I didn’t always think it was necessary to say but the more I realize how anti-black the people I attract are, the more I realize this probably needs to be said repeatedly.

Allow me.

To say that a woman is more attractive based on her skin tone is colorism and anti-black.

To say that a woman is more attractive based on her skin tone is colorism and anti-black.

To say that a woman is more attractive based on her skin tone is colorism and anti-black.

To say that a woman is more attractive based on her skin tone is colorism and anti-black.

To say that a woman is more attractive based on her skin tone is colorism and anti-black.

Just trust me on that.

I had one ex in particular who never gave me a single compliment during our entire time together. That is, until they looked at me one day and said, “You’re everything someone would want: a light-skinned black woman with long hair and thick eyebrows.”

There was a part of me — the old me — that was excited. My first real compliment from a person I liked! I felt lucky. But then the me with some self-esteem creeped in and was like, “That’s it?”

How can a person I see everyday, who I literally mothered, cooked for, cleaned up after, etc. only see me as the light-skinned girl they were dating?

A little voice popped in my head, “Hey girl, it’s colorism.”

And it wasn’t the first time. I can honestly say most of the people I dated were problematic in their dating choices.

A common question I get when people first meet me is, “What are you mixed with?” And usually, I don’t reply.

It’s a total turn off. As a queer black woman, particularly a queer black woman who loves black women and black people of every shade, the thought that I just fit someone’s preference was extremely unsettling. And a hint into the thought process that perpetuates colorism.

To date a light-skinned woman to some is more than a preference, it’s a status symbol. And the women they date as a result are mere objects in the play that is their life.

To see dark skin as undateable, and especially to see women who aren’t black or racially mixed as the ideal, is to put blackness on the back burner and not celebrate the true beauty and gifts that black heritage provides.

You are literally pulling a Kanye each time.

And the question is, where does it stop?

Kanye’s preferences only got whiter and my best bet is, if the stigma of dating white women wasn’t present in the black community, a lot more people would have the same trajectory.

And it needs to stop.

So to the people that love black women. And the people who won’t “get on and leave your ass for a white girl,” thank you, I salute you.

And to all the Kanye’s who still don’t see the error of their ways, I probably need to say this again: To say that a woman is more attractive based on her skin tone is colorism and anti-black.

And you can fight me on that.

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