An open letter to my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend:

You probably don’t care what I have to say, and that’s okay. I understand I’m probably the last person you wish to hear from. I imagine your stomach sinks when you hear my name. The first time you heard about me, you probably couldn’t breathe. Your heart probably dropped to the tips of your toes, and I am very sorry that that happened to you. Heartbreak sucks, and I know you probably had no intentions of moving on to begin with. Let alone had the intention of discovering that your love has moved on and found someone new. The pit in your stomach probably still hits you, whether you’re driving to the store and a song reminds you of him or you’re walking down the street and you see a truck that looks like his pass by. You feel like everywhere you turn something stimulates the emptiness.

I know you might think the pain will never go away or that you feel so alone with the feeling of heartbreak, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I was once sort of envious of you. You had him first. You got to hold his hand before he held mine, you got to sit in the passenger seat of his car before I did, you listened to all of his troubles and worries, you got to listen to all of his jokes and laugh with him before me. I used to wonder what the two of you talked about or the kinds of things you did together. My heart hurt for you when I learned how upset being without him made you. I wanted to reach out to you and tell you I understand what heartbreak feels like. I wanted to tell you that it gets better with time and most heartbreaks come with lessons and memories. And just because things didn’t work out, doesn’t mean those memories aren’t valid anymore. I truly wanted the best for you and for you to be able to move on and be happy because, like I said, heartbreak sucks. I know because I’ve been there, too.

I felt sorry for you. That was until I discovered your absolute hatred for me. You started by sending hateful messages and tried to convince me it was my fault that things didn’t work out and that I stole your boyfriend away from you. You asked me how I could do that to someone, you told me that I was aware you were in love with him as though I purposely sabotaged you. You became passive aggressive and made accusations on Facebook and Instagram, putting him on blast and throwing blame on him and myself. You then started texting him telling him about your sorrow and asking him why he chose me, wondering what was wrong with you, then you told him I wasn’t going anywhere with my life and brought up other irrelevant and incredibly hateful words. You tried meeting up with him to “talk” so as to put everything behind you. That never happened, you continued bringing up the past with texts and sending him old pictures. Whatever it was you were trying to do, you were trying really hard.

But I want you to know that during all of this I never had an ounce of hate in my body for you, because heartbreak makes you do crazy things right? I tried to understand. You sometimes crept into my head and bothered me though. I would randomly check your Facebook after you deleted me to see if you were still posting hateful things all over your wall to provoke sympathy from your friends. I can’t imagine the awful things you probably said about me to them. Truthfully, I don’t want to know, considering you’ve already told me directly how much of “a joke” I am. Which was a remark that still remains very confusing to me, considering I was always respectful in talking to you and never berated you over the Internet or through messages like you did me.

So with this, I am writing you today to tell you that all of that is over. I will no longer allow you to creep into my thoughts or into my life at all. I am no longer envious of you and really never should have been to begin with, because through this whole situation your true character has spoken volumes to me and I learned what kind of person you really are. Just because you gave someone your all does not mean you are entitled to their love in return and it does not give you the right to bash me for not getting what you wanted. I wish you could understand the simple fact that it has nothing at all to do with you, sometimes things just don’t work out. No matter how hard you try. But whether things are falling into your favor or not, I hope one day you can treat people you know nothing about more kindly. I hope one day that someone comes along and helps to relieve you from the pain you’ve felt, to make you forget about everything that you so badly want to forget. I hope that you are able to take from this important lessons and if heartbreak ever strikes you again, I hope that you are able to handle the situation with dignity and remain tactful. But more importantly — don’t seek out innocent people to place the blame upon.

As for myself, I can promise you this: I will take very good care of the boy you once loved. He makes me feel right at home, I could spend hours with him and never get tired of his company and I know you felt that way for him too. When we talk about the future together, I actually can see it. But if for whatever reason the two of us don’t work out, so be it. I refuse to allow myself to blame someone else for it, especially a girl that I know nothing about. I won’t force him to feel guilty for my heartbreak either. A few years from now, I guarantee you will feel stupid for acting so irrational about this. I hope you will one day realize that it isn’t me who is the enemy, and he isn’t the enemy either. It is really no one’s fault at all. I hope someday you discover for yourself that sometimes things just don’t work out no matter how hard you may try.

We may or may not cross paths again in the future, but if we do I hope you can look at me with respect. Please know that I truly only wished the best for you and always have, despite all of the inconsiderate things you’ve said to me and about me.


Your ex-boyfriend's girlfriend