I was reading my blog about "7 Reasons Why You’re Single," when I realized there’s an 8th reason!

Reason #8 — "You’re trying to love with someone else’s version." (your parents, what you saw on TV, what you see in a relationship goals post, bad advice from friends and family, etc).

Additionally, someone told us that every romantic experience with the opposite sex must last forever or it’s worthless. —and... even if they didn’t say it, they implied it.

Time Doesn’t Matter

No, I'm not talking about reason, season or lifetime. I'm talking about valuing every relationship you have for the time it exists.

Whether it be 1,2 or 12 days. Even if it's 3 months or 3 years—please stop believing…

black man and woman laying on the ground
black man and woman laying on the ground

I finally decided to address a topic that I understand, but truly drives me to unprecedented levels of frustration at times. It’s a question I’m asked very often by black women. While I do understand where it comes from, I believe the feelings associated with the question are misplaced, and often asked without fully understanding the psyche of the black men in question.

Are (black) men intimidated by black women?

The answer is no.

Let me rephrase that.


You’re intimidated by a nail sticking out of wood, a Tiger bearing down on you, an unrecognizable entree — but not…

Photo Credit: Nadine Shaabana

I was recently asked, “why are you single?”

At that moment, I paused, gasped, paused again, side-eyed them, then said…

Because of the current social climate, duplicitous behaviors of the opposite sex, certain deficiencies within the dating matrix, global warming, gum on the sole of my sneaker that pisses me off, bad social media posts, that orange sticker they put on my car window that won’t come off, insecurities, back pain, unrealistic expectations, skinny jeans, Snapchat filters with the bunny ears, anime eyes, and foliage, selective traditionalists, entitlement, the Impossible Burger shortage, and Donald Trump.

In other words…

Because I…

“Single Doesn’t Always Suck”

Don’t let that quote fool you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. We have all enjoyed the fruits of a single lifestyle at different points in our lives. Being single isn’t a curse or a negative brand on your forehead telling everyone you can’t get/keep a man/woman.

Some of us prefer being single for our own valid reasons. However, others use a single lifestyle (or status), as a time to not only enjoy being single but to learn to love ourselves.

Others take it a step further and use the time to heal from past hurt, [forgive] those…

When dating, the plight of the black woman is like no other. This isn’t intended to diminish the challenges and obstacles of any other race of women. This is also not written to attack the opposite sex. It’s written to bring awareness, understanding, and empathy for a culture of women that has to overcome not only the unfavorable stigma attached to their pigment and the texture of their hair but also, the negative character portrayal and barrage of stereotypical images of black women in the dating world.

The most disrespected person in America is the black woman.
— Malcolm X

Stereotypes of the Black Woman

Jay Thomas

Whimsical, buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, self-made thousandaire, blogger, loud-minded, indefinitely sarcastic, and quite opinionated about love.

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